Category Archives: This Book Will Change Your Life

Day 75: Tuaca anyone?

Posted on February 25, 2011 | 1 comment

Day 75: Today every Book owner is to reserve a table at Gino’s Italian Restaurant for eight o’clock on the 4th of July next year.  Phone number: (225) 927-7156 Gino’s.  4542 Bennington, Baton Rouge, Louisiana.  Open 11am-2pm and 5-10pm Mon-Fri, 5-10:30pm Sat. Closed Sun. MC, VISA, AE, DC, DISC.  No checks.

Another one of the book’s challenges that encourages you to screw over a restaurant.  I refused the dine and dash and elected not to mess with my pizza man.  And I won’t be calling this mom and pop restaurant in Baton Rouge and making a reservation I have no intention of showing up for, not on the 4th of July or on any other day.

I can’t really think about Italian food and the 4th of July without feeling a little wistful. There was a time when I thought I’d spend every 4th of July from now until forever sitting on the beach, feet in the sand, with a belly full of pasta olio, lasagna and sauteéd spinach and mushrooms.  Maybe even  a spoonful of cannoli filling. We’d walk back across the street from the beach to Lodivichie’s and have a drink with our friends.  Em might be falling asleep and I’d scoop her up from the jogging stroller and put her in the buggy that attached to the beach cruiser and head back across the street for home.

Many of my memories of the beach and the time I spent there have faded, both the good ones and the bad.  It’s easier that way.  Negativity serves no purpose, I simply don’t hang on to things that bring me down.  Sadly, the wonderful moments in time, sweet days when Em was teeny and I was navigating the first years of motherhood on no sleep and nothing but pure love, those moments are fading, too.

It was a lifetime ago.  July 4th, 2007.


1 Comment

Posted in Family, This Book Will Change Your Life

Tagged , ,

I Stand with Planned Parenthood

Posted on February 24, 2011 | 5 comments

Edited to add:  I wrote this on February 24, 2011.  It makes me super sad that this is still relevant.

Recently House Republicans voted to stop federal funding for Planned  Parenthood.  Presumably because Planned Parenthood performs approximately 1/4 of the abortions in the United States.  It is important now more than ever to speak up about what Planned Parenthood really does.

There are not a lot of things I get up in arms about.  But my reproductive rights and how I feel about being a mother are two of them.   The mother I am today is in some small way directly related to the woman that Planned Parenthood helped me to become.  And to the mother they helped me to not become so very long ago.

Dear Planned Parenthood,

Thank you.  Thank you for more than a dozen gynecological exams in times when I was without adequate health insurance.  Thank you for the many condoms you gave me when I was too chicken shit to purchase them.  Thank you for the birth control prescription, and for filling it for free on a few occasions when I was dangerously close to letting it lapse.  Thank you for not making me think I was stupid or that I had been careless for getting my first HIV test in 1996.  Thank you for having a rapid test available.  That was the longest hour of my life and the very worst cup of coffee I have ever had.  Thank you for making me feel like I was strong and smart and brave to not have a child when I was 21 years old and for believing me when I said that I had been on birth control and it had failed me.  Thank you for making me feel like an individual even though you perform abortions in groups of eight to minimize the time that the physician needs to be there and to keep the costs down.  Thank you for all of the negative results you called to give me for sexually transmitted diseases.  And for the very reasonable waiting period to receive them.  And for making it seem like a perfectly good idea to go ahead and get tested before making sex a part of a new relationship.  Thank you for making me feel like the kind of strong and sensible woman that would ask a partner to do the same for her.  Special thanks to the Planned Parenthood in Hampton Roads for being next door to a Party City and across the street from a Mattress Discounters.  This provided me endless laughs. Planned Parenthood, in allowing me to not become a mother when I was twenty one years old you empowered me.  And I became a woman that was strong.  And brave.   And proud.  And cautious.  All things that made me a great mother ten years later.  I don’t know about you, but those are all family values in my book.

Sincerely,

Kelly

I don’t use this space as a soapbox often.  I write a lot about being a mother, and my journey to becoming the woman that I am.  Please take a minute and voice your thoughts to Planned Parenthood and our Congress.  Planned Parenthood hands out health care.  And confidence. And safety.  Every day.

My 21st birthday.  I was still a baby….

Day 74: Express Your Views Today! The book asks you to go to their website and log on and express an idea, but I abstain from jumping through their hoops designed to drive traffic to their website.  I will take this opportunity instead to speak up about something that matters to me.

5 Comments

Posted in Family, Parenting, This Book Will Change Your Life

Tagged , , ,

Day 73: Get a hobby

Posted on February 22, 2011 | 3 comments

Day 73: Get a hobby. Wikipedia defines a hobby as “an activity or interest that is undertaken for pleasure or relaxation, typically done during one’s leisure time.”  Until this past year I really didn’t have any leisure time to speak of, so it is no w0nder that I didn’t really have any hobbies.  But now that I do, thanks to the help of MQD I am sometimes gripped by the need to “do something” that is just for me but I don’t really have the desire or the cash flow to back it up.  But I think I have found it.

My intermittent obsession with fitness is another post all to itself, but I think I have stumbled in to a new obsession that might actually, if I can figure out a way to swing it without having to sell my ass on a street corner, become a hobby.  I bought a ten class pass (which sounds like a super good album name) to a Bikram Yoga studio recently.  I enjoy yoga, and try to catch a class at the gym I belong to as often as I can. But I don’t feel that same sense of fuckyeahikickedmyownass like I do after a good run after a yoga class. But Bikram?  I feel like a badass when I leave.  And it’s not just the 105 degree room.  It’s the focus for ninety minutes on something.    And admittedly, the fact that I am drenched with sweat doesn’t hurt. The class tends to fill up prior to the start so it requires I get that there about twenty minutes early to get a spot.  So, that ninety minute class quickly becomes two hours.  Two hours, 120 minutes (great MTV show, sigh) of time for me.  I sweat, and I smile and I sweat and I breathe.  And I don’t think.

And I feel like this when I leave…

Shout out to Burke Lake park, what! what!

3 Comments

Posted in Exercise, This Book Will Change Your Life

Tagged , , , ,

Day by day, letting go… Day 72

Posted on February 15, 2011 | 8 comments

Day 72: Today is Closure Day.  The book suggests you call up your kindergarten and tell them you have left your favorite toy there, and that you need it for your psychological health.  I sleep with a Snoopy I have had since 1979.  I most certainly did not leave anything behind in my kindergarten classroom.   It’s not my style.  I don’t really do Closure.  Or Letting Go.  I leave the door open.  I hold on.  It’s my nature.

The idea of just “letting go” is foreign to me.  I am the girl that saves everything.  Everything.  Exhibit A.  My mother made my dad get rid of this nasty blue bathrobe when I was eight or nine.  And I loved it.  So I saved it and wore it for another year or so… Eventually it was in pieces, and it had to be thrown out.  And I saved the belt.

(Strange side note, there was a short-lived sitcom Day By Day on circa 1988, I loved that show and the teenage son always wore a blue bathrobe. He was so cute, I just knew he’d love me! And then later he played Greg in all the Very Brady movies…)

Exhibit B.  Deeper in my trunk I find this little gem.  From an old friend on a visit home from California.  This is a pretty fair indication of what 1998 looked like.

I still keep a lot of things, but when I moved out of the house at the beach I learned that stuff was just “stuff.”  The memories I have of the people that have touched my life are no more or less real by virtue of my having a shoebox full of cocktail napkins and movie tickets.  That having been said, I was gifted recently a box of knick-knacks and items I had left behind.  I was grateful that Jer had saved them all these years.

In that box was  Exhibit C.  Folger Shakespeare Library’s production of Taming of the Shrew, circa 1991, they handed out these buttons.  This one makes me the happiest.  Unlike Lucentio, I still “burn” and occasionally “pine,” but I no longer feel as though I will “perish”  without these objects of my desire.

8 Comments

Posted in This Book Will Change Your Life

Tagged , , , ,

Day 71: See more of the world today

Posted on February 8, 2011 | 7 comments

Day 71: See more of the world today.  Take a train or a bus one stop too far.

I am not a public transportation gal but I figured I could still participate in the spirit of the challenge.  After all, just being out of the house, off the couch, seemed like a change of scenery.  Em has had the Winter Funk, in the form of the flu and strep, an over achiever already, my girl.  So, we have been cooped up in the house for the vast majority of the last week.

This morning, after I dropped Em at school, I was thinking about how lucky I am.  She was talking about kindergarten and mentioned something about “if we live in Chapel Hill.”  I told her that I suspect we will stay right here.  And as I drove away from school and looked up at the… wait for it…. Carolina Blue sky I thought about how much I enjoy living right here, right now.  And not just because of where I am in my mind right now.

So, off I went to work, with the intent to “see more of the world.”  Small back story, I have a tendency to get lost.  On the way home from the grocery store.  I was absent on the day a “sense of direction” was handed out, evidently.  The GPS has been my savior.  There are four different routes I can take to my office.  One is most direct, and used when I am not taking Em to school and have no errands to run.  Mostly highway-ish and I run the chance of missing my exit.  Or taking an earlier one, because after all the sign I drive by daily sure looks familiar and in a moment I think “Man, is that the road I take to my office?”  And somehow in a strange mind-body disconnect my car is turning and my brain is thinking “No, I don’t think this is right, why are you going this way?”  The other three are all variants that include a stop at Em’s school.  This morning afforded me the opportunity to take my favorite route.  Lots of wide open green space.  Few landmarks.  Many chances for me to look out the window and wonder where the hell I am.

Off we go…. skeptical that I will not get lost.  (I apologize that you can not see my clean colon from this angle, perhaps my glowing epidermis will satiate those interested in following the effects of my cleanse.)

After I turn off of one of the more heavily trafficked roads I get to see one of my favorite trees.  When I eventually finish my back tattoo it will have this tree worked in to in some way.  I love everything about this tree. And the house beneath it.  I’d like to live there.  And have a bunch of kids.  And a rope swing.  And bake bread.

After visiting my tree I travel a short way and eventually come upon a very, very tiny green sign.  When I see that sign I know it is my turn.  At least 20% of the time I pass it. This is a problem because after I turn it looks like the next picture for about three miles.

And, as you may have guessed, it looks just like that if you keep on driving past that green sign.

This is, oddly, my favorite part of the trip.  I don’t hate that feeling of wondering if I am lost.  Because I can always turn on my GPS and check, of course, but mostly because it makes my morning commute slightly more exciting than it might be otherwise.  Instead of thinking that I am scatterbrained I like to think of it as living in the present.  As I drive along that tree-lined road I wonder if I already turned at the tiny green sign, or if I drove right past it.  And most mornings I really have no idea for about four minutes.

Eventually, I see my favorite car.  And I know I made my turn.  I am not sure what it is about this car.  I love the color.  It is the perfect yellow.

Shortly after I pass the car I pass a teeny, pea green house with a sign out front.  There are several small businesses along the way, a tax accountant, a home day-care, a family selling firewood.  But my favorite is definitely this little Beauty Parlor.  I like to pretend that Truvy is inside with a teasing comb in her  back pocket, pouring cups of coffee for her pals.

It’s right around this time that I start to wonder if I will need to turn right or left at the next stop sign.  I know, intellectually, it is left.  But every time, without fail, right seems like the way that I need to go.  This is an inkling that might have been serendipitous if I’d ever just turned right and kept driving.  Down about another three miles from there is The Barn at Valhalla , the place MQD and I are getting married.  I did not know it was down there until after I had seen their website and we’d decided to have our ceremony and reception there.   I don’t think it’s a coincidence that something makes me feel like I need to keep driving that direction every time I sit at that crossroads.

In case I am getting swept away it is right around this point that I keep my eyes peeled for Big Al’s Cheap Tires and bang a right towards my office.  Once I make that turn my traveling companion perks up.

If we’re lucky we will see a whole bunch of cows and horses in the next mile and a half.  This morning, since I had my camera at the ready and the time to stop, the cows must have been sleeping in and the horses were not up by the fence.

This is either just before or after my favorite farm sign, Kart Wheel Farm.  I like to think that the people that live there have a sense of humor.

Lastly,  I pass one more landmark.  It is a very small sign but it is the sign I draw to someone’s attention when I am giving them directions to my office.  It is a sign that is  actually ironic, a word I have come to find irritating, thankyouverymuchAlanisMorrisette. I know I am less than a quarter mile from my office when I pass the Gone Fishing sign.

A couple of weeks ago I said I was going to commit to shaking the blues.  I think I am well on my way.  I like where I am right now.  I like where I am headed.  I even enjoy the hell out of driving to work.  How’s that for some cheesin’?

 

7 Comments

Posted in This Book Will Change Your Life, Wedding Planning

Tagged ,

Day 70: Take this quiz to find out if you’re a Psychopath

Posted on February 1, 2011 | 1 comment

Day 70: Take this quiz to find out if  you’re a psychopath.

Do you Posses these Traits?

Not at all: 0 Sometimes: 1 All the Time: 4

1. Glibness & Superficial Charm ~ (1)You can’t be a bartender and fancy yourself and actress if you can’t pull off superficial charm and a glib response to most any situation.

2.  Grandiose self worth ~ (0) I think of all my faults an elevated sense of self worth is certainly not one.

3.  Tendency towards boredom ~ (4) This would mean I am smart, right?  Don’t all smart people get bored.  If it requires only a teeny bit of your brain to get through the day don’t you think you’d be inclined to get a wee bit bored on occasion? Lucky for me my tendency towards boredom is paired with an ability to be easily entertained.  So, boredom passes quickly.

4.  Pathological lying ~ Nope.  Honest to a fault.  I think the only person I lie to on occasion is myself.  When there are things I am not ready to see…

5.  Cunning and manipulative behavior ~ (1) Again, aren’t all reasonably smart people capable of being cunning and manipulative?  It’s not the way I would prefer to get what I want, and with those closest to me I find it never works (maybe because I surround myself with people that are bright?) But I could not in good conscience say Never.

6. Lack of Remorse ~ (0) Nope, not ever.  I apologize for things that are not even my fault, like the weather.

7. Shallow affectations, monotone voice ~ (0) Ha.  Ummmm….. no.

8.  Lack of empathy ~ (0) Nope.  I have so many emotions to spare I like to go ahead and suck up and then express the feelings of anyone who even looks my direction.

9. Poor behavioral control ~ (1ish…) I wish I could give myself a 2.  Behavior?  That’s a vague word.  I have ZERO control over my feelings and emotions and they come out whether I want them to or not.  For example, I might be very angry (and unfortunately, anger makes me bawl.) And those angry tears would come flooding out of my eyes whether I wanted them to or not, but I could totally stop myself from actually throwing a chair at someone.  That warrants a 2, no?

10.  Parasitic lifestyle ~ (0) Nope.  I like to make my own way.  Mostly I like to call the shots, and you can’t do that when you’re living on someone’s couch.

11.  Promiscuity ~ Is there a score for a reformed 4? I’ll say 1 to account for my youth and balance out my serial monogamy of the last decade and a half.

12.  Behavioral problems early in life ~ (0) Not unless a tendency to kiss ass and apply for the position of Teacher’s Pet is a behavioral problem.

13.  Lack of realistic long term plans ~ (4) I struggle with this big time.  Not because I make unrealistic plans but because long term goal planning leaves the door open for failing to achieve them. And that kind of thing gives me hives.

14.  Impulsiveness ~ (4)  A trait I don’t hate.  I am grateful to have pretty kind impulses for the most part.

15.  Irresponsible behavior ~ (1) If staying up too late to watch crappy horror movies with the main squeeze is irresponsible I am guilty.  If blowing off dinner on occasion in favor of a glass or three of wine is irresponsible, again, guilty.  “Call me unreliable, throw in undependable, tooooo…” Ahh, Frank…

16. Failure to accept the consequences for your actions ~ (1) I think all of us fail to see the consequences of our actions occasionally, so we fail to accept them at first.  I contend this makes me human.

17.  Many marital relationships (1) Umm… I’d guess 2 marriages would give me a score of 1?

18.  Juvenile delinquency ~ (0) Nope.  I preferred my delinquency of age.

19.  Callousness ~ (0) Not a bit.

20.  Criminal versatility ~ How’s about a 1 or a 4?  I mean, I sure as shit hope I am criminally versatile should the need arise.  If you could only pull off one kind of crime wouldn’t your options be limited? Given the wide range of ways I have figured out how to make a living on the straight and narrow… I trust I’d score a solid 4 here if I put my mind to it.

*For more reliable results ask a friend to answer this for you, Surrender to police if you score over 40.

I can breathe a deep sigh of relief.  In all sincerity, speaking of mental health… I just finished an amazing book.   In college I was in a play “The Color Wheel” written by an amazing young woman, Stacy Pershall, that I also had the pleasure of meeting way back when.  Recently she was on my mind so I hunted her down on facebook, and found out she was expecting some Big News! This past month her memoir has been released and it is incredible.  Read it. Enjoy it.  Share it.  Her story needs to be heard.

Stacy Pershall’s Loud in the House of Myself: Memoirs of a Strange Girl can be purchased at Amazon or hopefully at an independent book store near you!!

 

1 Comment

Posted in This Book Will Change Your Life

Day 69: Downsizing Day

Posted on January 26, 2011 | Leave a comment

Day 69: Today fire someone from your entourage.

Today’s challenge was actually accomplished a few days ago.  I laid off my dish washer, my bus driver, my babysitter, my laundry fetcher, my glass of water getter, my “what did we need at the store, again?” remember-er, my dog walker, my cat feeder, my bed warmer, my cell phone phone caller and finder, my entertainer, my audience and my DJ.  All at once.

MQD has been gone since Sunday afternoon and this morning I yelled at the dog.  And at Emily.  I am tired.  I am frustrated.  I am, admittedly, without caffeine, as well.  But mostly I just feel spent.

The picture below was taken on the very first afternoon that MQD kept Em.  I don’t recall now where I was needing to be, work, perhaps , but it was a picture he sent me to indicate that all was well and they were having a good time.  The day that picture was taken I did it all every day.  And today, not even a year later, I can’t remember how to get us all out of the house on time all alone.

Like childbirth, being a single parent is one of those things you forget all about once it’s over.  I’m okay with that.

*I hope you’re having a good time, baby.  But come home soon, ok?  And don’t be alarmed when you get there.  It’s a wreck.  But all the animals slept in our bed.  And Em, too.  And Floppy Dog.  And Snoopy.  I checked to make sure the doors were locked at least four times before I went to bed every night.  We’re safe and sound.   Don’t know how I ever did it without you… For the record I plan to re-hire you on Saturday morning. xo
-Kel

Leave a comment

Posted in Family, Parenting, Single Parenting, This Book Will Change Your Life

Tagged ,

Day 68: One single hair…

Posted on January 25, 2011 | 2 comments

Day 68: Choose one single hair to grow out one yard long.

“I want it long, straight, curly, fuzzy, snaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty, oily, greasy, fleecy, shining…” you know the drill. HAIR!!

I do not.  Want Hair!  My mother would beg to differ. She subscribes to the secret rule that after a “certain age” your hair shouldn’t be “but so long.”  I am not sure what this age is, exactly.  Or how long even “too long” really is… but I do know that my hair is too long and I am past that age.  For a short time after Em was born I felt like I was masquerading as a grown up.  Like in spite of the fact that I had a kid hanging on my boob twenty-one hours a day I was not really a mom, not really a card carrying Grown Up.  So, I cut  my hair.  As you can see, my shorter hair did nothing to grow me up, or to discourage me from wearing a pirate eye patch while out to dinner.

And then my short hair made me feel like I was pretending to be a Grown Up.   Not only was I carting around this kid, and trying to get my act together but I was starting to actually behave like a grown up.  So I put a stop to that promptly.

There’s nothing like Manic Panic to make a girl feel like she is in touch with her juvenile roots.  All of this to say that the subject of hair and whether or not one lets it grow is a subject I spend a fair amount of time thinking about.  And while I am currently in a stage of defiantly having “too long hair” I can say with absolute certainty the hair on my legs is not party to this plan.

I shave every day.  I can’t stand it when I don’t.  It’s not for anyone but me.  I think if I didn’t shave my legs a shower complete with face wash, shampoo, conditioner and moisturizing soap rub down would max out at about four minutes.   MQD stays in the shower for twenty minutes on a day he is in a hurry.  I have never understood what exactly long showerers do in there.  Perhaps my need to shave my legs every day is just a way to necessitate being in the shower a full seven minutes.    I don’t think I am less clean than the long showerer.  I’d guess I am lazier, maybe.  I do love an extra snooze.  Or two.  But even when I am not under the gun of getting out the door at a certain time I don’t dick around in the shower.  So today?  Today’s shower took six minutes.  But Em was in there with me.  Saving water and all.

And I didn’t shave.  I’m nuts.  I’m wild and free.  And I am shaving tomorrow morning.  I feel weird.  And as for growing out one single hair, I’m gonna go with the one that means I am Grown Up when I cut it.  Because that’s just not happening anytime soon. So lemme know if you know which one that is.  Because I should probably cut the rest of them.  What Not To Wear and my mother say so.

2 Comments

Posted in Nonsense, This Book Will Change Your Life

Tagged ,

Day 66 & 67: Save Water & One Day Detox

Posted on January 24, 2011 | 3 comments

Day 66 is a simple challenge.  Save water. Day 67 is fairly simple, as well, a one-day detox from your substance of choice.  As has frequently been the case as I work my way through this book, they are both well timed challenges.

As for saving water, we can safely say that my household is  saving water this week.  Quite a bit of it.  MQD is gone this week, embracing his METAL roots, so Em and I are on our own.  Which means our water usage is down BIG time.  No showers for MQD, none of his laundry and since Em likes to be glued to my side when he is gone she has managed to sneak in to the shower with me for the last two days. But the big picture?  I have upped my water intake.  Drinking at least 100 oz of water a day for the last three days in preparation for… day 67!   So… good thing we are if an “if it’s yellow…” household.

Today is day one of my 21 day detox and cleanse.  It was suggested to me by my cult leader, I mean, chiropractor. So, I am on all raw foods, fruits and veggies for ten days and then will slowly add in lean proteins.  Slamming down three bark-flavored protein supplement shakes a day.  I am itching to get back to the gym but will try and take it easy for another week or two.  Just in case you are playing along at home, my back is feeling better every day.  I slept last night, pinned between my dog and the kiddo, and still woke up feeling rested.

To the lucky folks expecting mail from me, it should be headed your way by the end of the week.  Envelopes addressed, pictures ready to be scanned and printed.

3 Comments

Posted in Exercise, Nonsense, This Book Will Change Your Life

Tagged , , , , ,

Day 65: Memorize a poem

Posted on January 20, 2011 | 1 comment

Today’s challenge is simple “Memorize a poem.”  I will review some Shel Silverstein tonight with Em and pick one to memorize.  Although, I am not certain that I don’t know damn near all of them.

In the meantime I have read and reread a piece of prose all day.  I have kept it printed out in some form or another in my wallet or my jewelry box or my glove compartment for almost as long as I can recall.  Someone mentioned it today and I remembered that in the midst of all this thinkin’ I should stay focused on the big stuff, not get lost in the details.

Failure is the monster under my bed.  Making this one of the most meaningful paragraphs I have ever read.

“So you think that you’re a failure, do you? Well, you probably are. What’s wrong with that? In the first place, if you’ve any sense at all you must have learned by now that we pay just as dearly for our triumphs as we do for our defeats. Go ahead and fail. But fail with wit, fail with grace, fail with style. A mediocre failure is as insufferable as a mediocre success. Embrace failure! Seek it out. Learn to love it. That may be the only way any of us will ever be free.”

~ Tom Robbins

I don’t know about reckless anymore, but I would sure as hell settle for free….

 

1 Comment

Posted in This Book Will Change Your Life

Tagged , ,