Day 2: The love of your life
Today, gaze at everyone wondering whether they might be the one true love of your life, the one destined for you and you alone, and whether you might be passing them by forever…Act in consequence.
tell me love has always scared you
like the things under your bed
baby we can walk on water
like some junkies swore they did
you call me on the phone
you say that it is crucial
stick your fingers in your ears till they explode
mind his business and roll along as usual
“Act in consequence” says today’s challenge. I kinda feel like I get a free pass today. I guess I needed a pat on the back today, I can’t think of any other reason why the day two challenge would not seem like much of a challenge to me at all. I have never not wondered whether or not the person/place/food/cigarette in front of me at that moment in time might be the very best, the very last, the very one meant for me. It’s what I do. I love freely. And this is my favorite thing about me. Love makes me feel safe. Not being loved but loving. And not just people.
When I was younger and frequently “enhancing” my day to day activities I used to be well known for stopping everything and proclaiming “I LOVE RIGHT NOW!” just to make sure the people, the place, the mac and cheese, the cold beer all knew that I’d change NOTHING about this moment, that I loved it. And in turn I loved me. Because I was the mastermind that made RIGHT NOW happen, right?
Something about momming it up has me focusing too much of my love out and not in. I love Em so fiercely that I forget to stop and love RIGHT NOW and the me that made it happen. Working on that.
So today, in part because I only have seen three other people today as of this writing (MQD, Em and my boss’s son) I decided to try and stop and think about a few RIGHT NOWs. And I loved every god damn one of them.
A sampling…. 8:05 am, my kitchen smelled like coffee and I perfectly peeled a hardboiled egg. A small victory. But I fucking love that. 9:27 am, I ate that egg and the inside was not at all green. I really fucking love that. And the insides of several others made at the same time ARE green. SO THIS egg was meant to be mine. 12:20 I found an open source software to solve my work-related problem. Umm, FREE solution to a problem. Yeah, I fuckgin love that! HAHA 1:18, I typed fucking “fuckgin” and that is one of my favorite typos!! I LOVE RIGHT NOW.
Loving right now is as easy as I remember. I am going to fall in love all over again with right now over and over. And try not to let it be so infrequent.
Exhibit A: Me, loving the shit out of RIGHT NOW, my tiara, my POS convertible, my roommate, my pajamas, my Guiness tshirt that said PISSED.
And so as to not skirt the original assignment all together. Am I hopelessly in love with my boss’ son? Nope. I am wildly jealous of the fact that he just bought a school bus, converted it in to an RV/mobile recording studio and almost always smells like grass, yes, but jealousy and a sweet motherfucking schoolbus but does not true love make.
Am I head over heels for my little lady? Guilty as charged. If there is any Order to this Universe it was that Order that brought her to me. She saved me. Time and again she saves me…
And the really very scary answer to the actual question. Yeah… MQD is pretty much the One. And am I passing him by? Not at all. Am I failing to trust him sometimes because of my heaps and heaps of baggage? Not anymore. This morning’s long overdue honest conversation assured me of that. 21 months ago he looked at me like this and I started falling, fearlessly falling and yet somehow forgetting to love all the RIGHT NOWs that have transpired between now and then…. I won’t be forgetting anymore.