Tag Archives: parenthood

First Love

When you fall in love for the first time you think that you are the only person that has ever felt this way.  Your dreams are filled with thoughts of this person and they occupy your heart in every moment of every hour.  You can’t breathe without them and you believe that your life will cease to exist without this person.20120618-182402.jpg

You don’t ever imagine loving someone else.

Emily was my first love.

If you are very lucky you can hold on to your first love and never let them go.  Keep them in your heart and let them show you how to love another.

I am so damn lucky that I get to hold on to my first love and keep her in my arms!  I was silly to think that loving my children would be like loving a seventeen  year old boy.  That somehow I’d have to fall out of love a little to fall in love again.  Or that falling in love for the second time would make the first less special.

I fall more in love with my second love every day.  I can laugh at the foolish girl that was scared that she couldn’t possibly love two children.  I love them both to pieces. I can’t imagine having one without the other.  My big girl showed me how to do it. And this little one?  She just makes it so damn easy with her cheesy grin.


My girls… they are both silly.  They are both so sweet.  They both give kisses that are to die for.  They both make my eyes tear up when they put their little hands on the sides of my face.  They are both my girls.  And I love them.  Both.

Let the sun shine in…

My brother went to the Naval Academy.  He was 19.  I was 23 when he began his Plebe Summer.   We walked through campus on Induction Day, we stood in lines.  We waited and we hugged him a lot.  The whole time I kept thinking how in the hell do you make a decision so permanent?  This one day… you are saying “today I will begin a career in the Navy that may be life long…” and that blew my mind.

I kept wondering when he would start to look like a midshipman.  Would it be over Christmas when I saw him next? I can tell you when it was. The moment was the same for every one of the boys and girls that became men and women that day.  It was when they got their hair cut.

Scott looked like a baby and a grown up all at once.  He’d had his ears lowered.  It was summer and his tan didn’t quite go all the way up to his hair line anymore.  All these young kids filed in to this hall and we saw them spilling out the other side with this “oh shit, I’ve really done it now” face.  Young men and women that had a plan.  And a new do.

I didn’t have my ears lowered today.   Nor did I sign up with the United States Navy.  But I did have one of those “Sign me up and cut it off” moments.

I got a Mom haircut.  There’s no turning back.  I’m giving Lucy twenty good years and then I am retiring.  Heh.  We’ll see how well that works out for me, huh?

Lucy seems slightly less suspicious than Em. Em said "Hmm... it's creepy, I want my Mom back." Here's hoping Mike is more open to change.