Excitement on the side

To say that I did not have high hopes for this morning’s long run was an understatement. I am walking the fine line between being committed and over-trained.  Triathlon training is awesome when you do it right.  When you don’t and you just mishmash your training schedule together by marrying a bike race plan and a half marathon plan with your swimming program you wind up having a schedule with a shitload of double workouts.  That works for me for the most part since I have the time.  But the risk of injury increases as the volume increases.  And injury is something I fear with every part of my being.

Injury would mean I would surely burn my house down and my kids would show up to school looking like feral children – unfed, unwashed and filthy.  Training keeps me sane. So. The pressure is on to not get hurt.

I’ve been trying something new.  The long, slow run. I used to run every run, bike every ride, swim every lap like it should be faster than the last.  If my six-mile run today was slower than the one a few days ago than surely I was not showing improvement and I was doing something wrong.  But the truth is I just get super tired.  Because I don’t ever rest.

So.  I am trying.  This morning’s plan for a long, slow run should have been just fine.  But my stomach was not stoked on this idea.  Runners know.  The stomach rules the mind.  If you wake up and poop before you put your shoes on – you will surely have a super sweet run.  Wake up and poop many times before you put your shoes on – danger ahead.

I decided to risk it.  Routed my run past some of my favorite bathroom stops (to avoid this situation) and off I went. Running slowly is tough when I listen to tunes so I opted for podcasts.  I am head over heels in love with Chris Gethard’s Beautiful Anonymous podcast.  I hit play on my phone in iTunes.  I hit go on my Garmin.  I erupted into laughter as I looked at the title. Hot Scoop.  56 minutes and 12 seconds of poop stories.

I love a poop story.  I do.  As I wound around downtown in and out of the Hog Day 5K I was chuckling.  Nothing makes you feel like a bigger fool than running in the middle of a 5K with four water bottles.  Ever see one of those kids wearing a jacket and gloves and a scarf on the first day that it is less than 70 degrees outside?  I felt like that kid.  Anyway… the miles and the poop stories were ticking by and I was settling into the slowest run in history.

I always, always run roads that I know.  I add up miles in my head and have a plan all of the time.  I am not sure exactly what came over me but I turned up a street and found myself on a road that I’ve never run before.  It just went up.  And up.  And up some more. All of a sudden I noticed a new feeling.  I didn’t care that I didn’t know where I was going. I didn’t care that it was all uphill.  I couldn’t see the end but I was content to just keep trucking along because I knew that eventually I could turn around and come back down.  The street name – Hill Avenue.  

Just as I got to thinking that I really should probably look at the map and make sure I wasn’t going to dump myself out on a highway I saw a cemetery, Rosewood Cemetery.

In the spring of 1990 I got a teeny tiny rose tattoo. It is one of only a couple of tattoos that I have ever picked off of a flash sheet.  This teeny little rose is quite possibly the most common tattoo in all of the world.  I have seen it on ankles and shoulders and wrists in my travels over the last twenty-six years more often than I count.  (Holy, shit I have a twenty-six year old tattoo!) The image on the Rosewood Cemetery sign – it was my red flower.  
I ran past the cemetery for another few minutes before I bumped into a highway and opted to turn around and enjoy the downhill ride.

I struggled with the downhill.  The data-driven psycho in me wanted to take advantage of the downhill to drop my average speed back down to something I would consider more respectable.  But I tried to keep it slow.  I focused on my breath.  I focused on everything around me.  And then like a gift from the universe I looked up and saw Occoneechee Mountain.  I live less than half a mile from there but rarely have an opportunity to really see it.

I stopped and took a picture and just looked.  I love where I live.  That’s kind of a big deal, guys.  Not everyone can say that. It’s hard to see it in the picture but in the background there…. that’s a mountain!

Just about here the poop stories were wrapping up and Chris Gethard moved on to chat with a young woman who was in what she described as “a cardboard boat.”  She was sinking, in spite of her best efforts to cobble together a life that was well-designed.  Was it just made of the wrong materials? Chris’ podcast is a beautiful opportunity to listen to people talk and an even more wonderful opportunity to hear Chris share the many tidbits of wisdom he has collected after a decade in therapy.  Here I was running down a road I have never run when he says something to the effect of “My therapist told me to never walk the same way home from work twice.  The easiest way to get a fresh perspective on things is to literally look at new shit.  Every day.”  

I have these new orange running shoes that I am not sure if I hate.  They are so orange.  Traffic cone orange.  A woman asked me the other day “do those make you run faster?” I said “They damn sure better because they sure as shit don’t look good.”

Running along and thinking about looking at new things I saw three orange roses.  I would never plant orange roses.  But they were beautiful.  And it made me kind of like my shoes a little better.

Sometimes I write a blogpost in my mind and try to get it all down before it’s gone.  Today I just had a feeling… this perfectly unplanned feeling of being content.  I just wanted to remember it.  Slow down.  Go a different way. Let go of expectations. Listen to the poop stories.  Laugh.  Keep going. You have no idea what you might see.

I haven’t written about running skirts in years.  Or crotch sweat. All things have a season, I suppose.  Apparently running skirts are on their way out and short shorts are coming back with a vengeance. Who knew? Lucky for you crotch sweat never goes out of style.

Observations from the morning. Sixteen days until my 40th birthday….

These legs and these comically large feet just ran a 5K in less time than I have in a few years. Possibly ever.

I’ve been busting my ass lately and decided to see if my favorite running skirt would let me run without lighting my thighs on fire. Applying BodyGlide to the thighs this morning (because they still touch y’all, even down 30 pounds) and Lucy asks “is that for when your vagina sweats?”

Umm. Something like that.

Today has already been amazing.  My vagina sweat was totally under control.  My legs carried me 3.1 miles with the swiftness.  I am totally over my stomach virus.  And in less than an hour I get to have my first mammogram.

What’s your Thursday look like?  May your vagina sweat be light, your legs fast and your mammogram technician gentle.

Sometimes when I run the Signs are so obvious that I can’t NOT see them. Today’s signs made so much sense I have to share them.

I have gazillions of pictures on my phone that I snap while I am running.  I see something that is such an obvious metaphor for Life.  I grab a quick pic and keep trucking.  I write a blog post in my mind while my feet hit the ground and then by the time I get back home I am at peace with my Thoughts and writing it all down seems like it is no longer necessary.   To that end much of the time you are spared these brilliant epiphanies.

But not today! It’s your lucky day!

You may or may not know that I have been jamming in direct sales for over a year.  I am not a Sales Person.  Putting yourself out there is hard and scary and you’re not supposed to say “fuck” when you’re Being Professional so it is absolutely astounding to me that I have been at it this long and am experiencing even a moderate level of success.  The last few months I have really been trying to dig deep and figure out why I am doing this, how long I will continue, where I see this business going and what my Plan really is.  In every direction I just felt like I could see a few months into the future but I really couldn’t see myself further down that path.  Or I couldn’t see the path to get to where I did see myself.

So. I am thinking about all of this and slowly running uphill and I turn. I turned down a street I have run down a bazillion times but that I never, ever go down on my way up the hill.  I always detour when I am coming down (to break up the glorious downhill because I am a masochist.)

HILL BLOCKS VIEW.

Yep.  It does.  It absolutely does.  So, you gotta just Go. Go up over the hill and look.  You don’t have to go down it.  You don’t have to keep headed in that direction but you won’t ever, ever know what is on the other side of that hill if you don’t keep your feet in motion and get up over it.  There are hills in every direction that I look lately and I have been paralyzed with indecision because of them.  Not anymore.  The hills might be blocking the view but there is not a damn thing preventing me from sludging up them.

Onward and upward, friends.

Feeling pretty darn full of myself and content with the world I kept running.

STOP HERE WHEN FLASHING.

Even when I am at my most wise I max out at about twelve years old.  This sign made me laugh.  Why?  Why would you want to stop here when you’re flashing?  Why would you not want to flash elsewhere?  Or simply flash on the run (although technically then I suppose you would be streaking.)

What did I take away from this sign?  Life throws you a bone and gives you a little direction? Just do what you’re told.  Maybe it will be worth it.

So. That’s what a mile and a half of swimming and six miles of running will do to me.  Life.  All figured out.  Just like that with the help of some Signs.

Emily has a dance today after school.  You will have to believe me when I say she looks adorable. There are no pictures.

We were sitting at the kitchen counter finishing her hair and laughing.  “You look so cute, Em.  Messy bun was a good choice.”

And then there was the bus.  Honking.

“I can drive you to school,” I said.  I might have yelled.  In retrospect I feel like I was pleading already, as if I knew what would happen next.

“It’s okay! I can catch it, I love you!!!!” She had her backpack on her shoulder and she was out the door and down the driveway and all of a sudden I was standing on the porch with a cup of coffee I hadn’t even yet sipped and I was crying.

She’s not leaving for college. She’s going to school and then she is going to the gym to stand around and eat a heart-shaped cookie and do the Whip and Nae Nae with 87 girls and 12 boys.  She is wearing cowboy boots and a leopard print dress and black leggings and silver hoop earrings and a messy bun.  She is wearing the tiniest bit of eye shadow and a bit of lip gloss.

And I love her.  She is my Valentine.  She is the one that healed my heart so long ago. And I will stand far away from her and say “I love you, baby girl, have fun!” while the tears roll down my face so many more times.

Slow down, Time.  Slow down.

Picture shamelessly stolen from her private Instagram account.