It’s not you, it’s me, Diet Coke.

When I kissed you, girl, I knew how sweet a kiss could be…

The Archies had it right.  Sugar.  You are my candy, girl.  I love sugar.  Love.  Sugar.  And if I ate all natural straight from the source sugar with moderate regularity that wouldn’t really be a problem.

But that’s not really the case.

I have written frequently about my love affair with peanut M&Ms. (Here.  Here.  Here. Oh, and here.)

Just a few days after my decision to stop buying peanut M&Ms on the regular I had to stand in a long line in front of this sign.  A SALE!  On peanut M&Ms!!  I must have been a real asshole in a former life to be faced with this.  I resisted.


I will eat more peanut M&Ms.  But I will not eat the whole bag mindlessly.  Or because it is “what I do.”  I will choose to have a few from time to time.  Peanut M&Ms are not good for me.  But they won’t kill me.

Diet Coke on the other hand?  They might.  Not right away. But if I drink one a day for the next fifty years that is an awful lot of Diet Cokes.

A while ago I realized I hadn’t had one in three days.  So I went a few more.  And then (like an addict) I had “just one.”  You know, to see what all the fuss was about.  Were they even that good?

Yes.  They are good.  Diet Coke is a magic elixir. I like it cold, warm, flat, old, from under the seat of my car, left on the kitchen counter and diluted from ice cubes.  I like it.  So, I had a few more.

And then I quit again.

Diet Coke,

I think it needs to be over between us.  I can’t have just one.  Somewhere out in the ether you will find a bunch of sad Marlboro Lights.  You will recognize them by their long faces.  They probably never really understood that we wouldn’t be getting back together. I quit smoking a million times.  And then one day I stopped “quitting.”  I just stopped. I don’t feel weird when I go to a gas station anymore because I don’t need to think about not buying a pack of smokes. Seek them out, they can probably help you understand my sudden rejection.  

And Diet Coke, one day I will stop looking longingly at you in the refrigerated section.  I might even say hello when I stop over to grab beers on a summer afternoon. But don’t get friendly.  Don’t act like you and me are a thing. I can’t promise we won’t ever share another kiss.  But Diet Coke, it is over between you and me.  Over. And really, it’s not me, it’s you.


Day 95: See how much free sugar you can collect?

I guess I went about this challenge ass backwards.  Instead of gobbling up free packs of sugar I took a long look at the sweets I do eat and why.  I eat sugar because I think I deserve it.  Candy and soda (which is basically rotgut) is my treat.  How screwed up is that? That’s not a treat.  I am not being kind to myself.  Instead of candy and soda from the gas station why don’t I have a spoonful of the delicious zillion dollar local honey we keep in the cabinet? Or run in to the grocery store and buy the tastiest piece of fruit I see.  That is what I deserve.  How about you? Are your treats really a treat for your body?  And are they rare or do you reward yourself more often than you realize?

10 responses to “It’s not you, it’s me, Diet Coke.

  1. Pingback: The Scene of the Crime | Excitement on the side

  2. It’s hard to get off that Diet Coke addiction. One day I’ll share with you my story about how I ended up in the ER because of the amount of diet coke I use to drink. You’re so right – this stuff can kill you!
    After that incident and health scare, I swore off all sodas with caffeine in them. That was 1991 and I stuck to it. I give myself a treat every night with a small cup of soda with my dinner and its usually ginger ale, 7-up or my favorite cranberry ginger ale. NOW if I drink anything with caffeine in it, it totally screws up my body.

  3. thefoodiefarmer

    I got a Sodastream for my birthday last year and make my own soda water at will. This helps me avoid Diet Pepsi tremendously! I am, however, incredibly vulnerable to stress eating. I can walk out of a stressful meeting and I immediately want a cookie and a Diet Pepsi. My other treat is a latte a couple times a week, but I’ve stopped ordering the sugarfree syrups and just gone half-sweet instead. I’m starting to realize I’d rather be 5 pounds overweight than be filled with aspartame.

  4. Oh goodness my ‘treats’ are a treat for my mind. The body is irrelevant

  5. I like your take on this challenge better.

    ‘And then one day I stopped “quitting.” I just stopped.’
    — I know this. This has been me.

  6. I swear sugar is probably the most addictive thing out there. It’s a very hard thing to cut out. I just want chocolate…like all the time, same as Tami.

  7. This is a tough subject during Thin Mints season. Gotta have a bit of chocolate every night. I need it, need it, need it each and every day!

  8. Oh lady, you are speaking my language with this one. Although my vice was regular Coke in a can. Could never stand the diet stuff. Had a can a day from high school until my pregnancy with C when the evil doc forced me to go on a diet during my 3rd trimester because of a bad gestational diabetes test. Not that I’m still bitter about dieting in my third trimester… not at all. Anyway, I haven’t had a can of Coke in almost two years. And unlike cigarettes I barely miss it. Do you like seltzer? I drink the plain stuff by the case. No sodium, no artificial flavors, so sweeteners. Just water and bubbles.

    And I’ve got nothing about the peanut m&ms. Because those things really are little pieces of heaven…

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