I maintain I have a pretty sunshiny view on life. This in spite of the fact that I am a pregnant woman, hence I am prone to making my complaints known (or as I like to see it making “gentle observations.”)
This morning’s observation: why in the FUCK does a bagel have to have a hole in the middle? Delicious whole wheat bagel with your 2.4 grams of fiber why must you complicate matters with your hole? I am a capable woman. A smart woman. And yet daily the spreading of my also oh so delicious grape jelly on a bagel is enough to make me want to kill a motherfucker. Why? Why the hole? You serve no purpose! (Incidentally I am a capable googler.)
If I can manage to spread the jelly without it falling through the hole there is a 50% chance I will get jelly on my shirt while I eat. I used to make Emily eat breakfast without her shirt on so she didn’t make a mess. I don’t think I can pull that off here in the office. “That? Who is that? Oh, just our totally capable, intelligent office manager/bookkeeper. She likes to eat bagels topless. Likes to keep her shirt clean, ya know?” Yeah, I don’t think that is gonna go over well.
I need to get some toast. And some easy to spread jam. And stop listening to Howie Mandel in the morning. The toast and the jam might keep the rage to a minimum and the Howie? Well, he just gets me thinking my bitching and moaning is funny.