Mr Bill Murray

We are watching Groundhog Day. She doesn’t quite get it but she likes it because her “favorite Ghostbuster” is in it. Yup. I’m doing something right.

Big win….

I wish being allowed to wear tights to bed made ME feel like I’d won the lottery. But for now it’s alright that it makes her this happy…

Rebel without a cause….

“Mom, can I dye my hair like a rainbow.”

“No.”

“But you had blue hair.”

“Yes. I did.”

“How old were you when you had blue hair?”

“30.”

“Okay when I’m 30 I’m going to dye my hair like a rainbow.”

“Great idea.”

Cartwheels

“Mom, you know I know things that you don’t even know.”
“Really? Like what?”
“Like cartwheels. Oh. But I don’t know how to do a cartwheel.”
“I do.”
“Oh. Then nevermind. You know everything I know. You’re pretty amazing.”

Why… a la Annie Lennox

I tell myself too many times
Why don’t you ever learn to keep your big mouth shut
That’s why it hurts so bad to hear the words
That keep on falling from your mouth

I’ve always had a soft spot for that song.  Hadn’t planned on it ever becoming so meaningful.  Lesson learned. When you love someone it is wise to think before you open your mouth.  Particularly if you plan to blame them for the wrongs committed by people other than said loved one.  I can’t blame him for telling me I can’t talk to him like that.  I can’t.  In truth, I think I have never loved him as much, respected him as much.  And now I am, as my mother would say, “sitting in my own shit” until he decides that he’ll forgive me for being so hateful.  I think he wants to.  He’s said as much.  I hope that he can.

It’s funny how things happen that you’d never have expected but looking backwards you can see it coming as clearly as, well… something you can see coming very clearly.   I got a new tattoo a month ago,  to honor the time I have spent growing past my failed marriage and the pain all mixed up in that.   I hadn’t really planned on it applying to my present heart… but it does now more than I’d have hoped.  Looking backwards I can see the shit storm I was brewing…

Dreams

“It would be crazy if your dreams could come out of your head.”

Beauty Tips

“Mom, if you want to put some of my lip gloss on your zit you can. It might make it more beautiful.”

 

Are you thirsty?

I wrote this elsewhere and was amused with how it turned out. I’d recommend not reading it if you’re prone to thinking I might be an alcoholic or you are a member of the small group of people that like to think my twenties didn’t really exist. A friend asked for a drink recommendation… and I accidentally wrote a book.

I don’t think I have many drinks I don’t like. I like the classics, the G&T, the Old Fashioned, the Rusty Nail, the Dirty Martini.

I hate frozen drinks because I tended bar for ten years and they piss me off.

I like to have beer for dinner. Guinness, Newcastle, Samuel Smith’s Oatmeal Stout.

But I also love cold, cold cheap beer outta a can when it’s hot outside. A Budweiser cold and a shot of Jack are like PB&J.

I love corn moonshine and think it is made of magic.

I don’t dig fruity drinks but I won’t turn one down. I like a Tequila Sunrise and a Sex on The Beach. I love Midori, but that is a secret I don’t share.
I don’t love drinks with milk but if I feel like one it’ sall that will satisfy me.

I love Tia Maria on the rocks or a nice snifter of Sambuca with three coffee beans, one for the Father, the Son and the Holy ghost.

I love Patron. Cold. No salt.

I like Kamikazes when I am out with my girlfriends.

I like Jaeger when I wanna get R.O.W.D.Y.

I like SoCo if I wanna slug room temp out of the bottle and take BHs and run around the house.

I like champagne on a weekend at sundown at the beach. Or Sunday morning.

I like to shotgun PBR with boys that think I am uptight.

I like kegs of cheap light beer but never Coors. I will not drink a beer out of a green bottle. I never drink Corona unless I am offered one at the beach.

I like Peroni. A lot.

I can pop a bottle top with a lighter and I have a pair of flip flops with a beer opener in the bottom and two belt buckles with one on the back. But I always forget I am wearing them.

I think the ritual of drinking is a lot of the enjoyment.

My first week behind the bar my boss told me figure out what color it is supposed to be and put in the right glass and it almost doesn’t matter what you put in it. This is more true than I care to admit, or at least when it comes to shooters.

I like potato vodkas. I won’t drink any liquor from a plastic bottle. And nothing made by Bowman’s.

I f’in love Wild Turkey. Two fingers, no ice And by two fingers I really mean three unless you wanna get right back up and make me another.

When a man orders “Just a Bud…” I skip him and get the next order. And later tell him when he respects his order I’ll get it for him. Because it is not “JUST a Bud.” It’s the King of Beer, dip$hit. Because U Deserve What Every Individual Should Enjoy Regularly.

I love a great Long Island Iced Tea. When ya wanna get LIT up. Secret, splash of Dr Pepper instead of Coke makes it that much better. I can make one with all 5 bottles at once tipped up, it’s impressive. Blue Motorcycle and a Green Dinosaur are weak alternatives, as you trade out real booze for liqueurs in my book. But a Walk Me Down Sweet Jesus (a LIT with Sprite and Blue Curacao) from Scarlett O’hara’s in St Augustine is delicious. SO delicious that on the third one you’ll likely forget that you lost your bathing suit top and your dress is mostly see through. And now I order one every time I am in Florida. And when I feel like gettin’ nekkid in public. Because it is so fun to order….

I don’t like Blow Jobs (heh) or shots with whipped cream or shots that are supposed to make you do things you wouldn’t ordinarily do, like simulate oral sex or lick strangers (body shots.) I like to just be crass. Why hide behind your drink?

Johnnie Walker Blue is better than cocaine. I used to say you shouldn’t blow coke unless you can do it through a hundred dollar bill. Unless you can afford to lose a hundred bucks you shouldn’t be doing it. And unless you plan on tipping the hell outta your bartender you shouldn’t be drinkin’ Johnnie Blue.

Which reminds me a Liquid Cocaine is a tasty drink, as is a Mind Eraser.

I love booze. And drunk people. And cold beer. And bars. And cocktail napkins. And swizzle sticks. And engraved shakers. And pretty litttle hip flasks.

365 Reasons

365 Reasons…. one for every day….
for MQD, on October 27, 2009

  1. You make me laugh.
  2. You laugh at my jokes.
  3. You are thoughtful.
  4. Your skin still amazes me.
  5. You try so hard to continue to grow as a person.
  6. You love me as I am and encourage me to grow, too.
  7. You’re honest..
  8. And smart.
  9. You indulge me.
  10. You’re indulgent on occasion.
  11. You listen.
  12. You communicate better than you think you do.
  13. You have a perfectly cute smile.
  14. You are well groomed, for the most part. :)
  15. You are going to be an amazing dad.
  16. You are already a wonderful son.
  17. You call your grandmother.
  18. You make tasty baked goods.
  19. You laugh out loud at yourself.
  20. Your hugs mean something.
  21. Your words mean everything.
  22. You read.
  23. You write cryptic notes to yourself.
  24. You are excellent long distance car trip companion.
  25. You make me feel like the most interesting woman in the room.
  26. You pretend not to care what anyone thinks, but really you’re very sensitive.
  27. You cried during Finding Nemo.
  28. Sometimes you hug me while you’re sleeping.
  29. You understand what being a mother means to me as well as you possibly can be expected to.
  30. You adore Emily.
  31. You don’t put up with her nonsense.
  32. Or mine.
  33. You appreciated your rocking chairs and weren’t scared off by what could possibly have been a very, very “too soon” gesture.
  34. You didn’t tell me you loved me until you knew you meant it.
  35. You like my mom.
  36. And my brother.
  37. You feel like my family.
  38. You laugh easily.
  39. You wear a headband. 
  40. You respect people.
  41. You are teaching me to expect the same respect in return.
  42. You forced me to watch Metalocalypse until I laughed.
  43. You help me bring things in from the car.
  44. You’re chivalrous.
  45. You are trustworthy.
  46. You “get” the man room concept.
  47. You are extremely hot.
  48. You have a lot of good books.
  49. You tuck Emily in whenever you are “home” at bedtime.
  50. You respect me as a parent and are willing to do the work to establish your own role as one as well.
  51. You really, really love Cat.  And Stanley.
  52. You breathe out of the corner of your mouth while you’re sleeping.
  53. You have nice looking feet.
  54. And nice looking hands.
  55. I really like your folks.
  56. And your friends.
  57. You keep “quality” people in your life, instead of quantity.
  58. You think about the “big picture.”
  59. You’re clever.
  60. You have a sick sense of humor.
  61. You love music.
  62. You open doors for me.
  63. You’re very mannerly when duty calls.
  64. But you appreciate a good fart joke.
  65. You can balance being my friend and my lover and understand how they are different.
  66. You can read aloud.
  67. You don’t seem to mind when I read aloud to you.
  68. You watch, for the most part, decent television.
  69. You are pretty self-aware.
  70. You’ve embraced your role in Emily’s life in a way I never could have dreamed a man could…
  71. You respect tradition.
  72. I really love your nun painting.
  73. I suspect you look pretty fucking good in a suit.
  74. You’re cute even when you look like a crass teenager.
  75. I can’t imagine you betraying me.
  76. You have sweet tattoos.
  77. You like mine and don’t discourage me from getting more.
  78. You’re thrifty.
  79. And yet not tight with a buck.
  80. You’re very giving.
  81. You’re fiercely loyal.
  82. You understand why roflcoptor is fucking hilarious.
  83. You have introduced me to some good tunes.
  84. You said you would take dance lessons with me.
  85. And I think you actually will some day.
  86. You’ll dance with me in the kitchen
  87. And understand why that is the most romantic thing on earth.
  88. You love frozen pizza.
  89. You want to eat healthy food.
  90. But you have a place in your heart for some trash.
  91. You’ll likely still be drinking an occasional 40 even though you’re moving swiftly towards being a Grown Up.
  92. You have a really solid name.
  93. Your middle name is fabulous.
  94. Your accent that comes and goes make me smile endlessly.
  95. You seem to get why I think it is important to make the bed.
  96. You’re pretty tidy.
  97. You help me clean up.
  98. You make really cute faces while you’re at the gym.
  99. You make me feel like a lady.
  100. And a whore.
  101. You acknowledge my neediness without indulging me.
  102. You have really nice hair.
  103. You’re smug.
  104. And yet it’s charming.
  105. You keep your cards close to your chest.
  106. it is meaningful when you share things with me.
  107. You don’t cheat at board games.
  108. You make me feel brave.
  109. You’re very traditional.
  110. You write thank you notes.
  111. You will be the reason I have milk in my house on a regular basis.
  112. You do laundry.
  113. You love loading the dishwasher. J
  114. You have a great vocabulary.
  115. You will probably actually read this entire list.
  116. You seem proud of “us.” And of Emily.
  117. You don’t mince words.
  118. You get excited about the smallest things.
  119. You will drive for hours to see a concert.
  120. You appreciate good red wine.
  121. But you’ll drink crap if it tastes good.
  122. You almost always have a pen.
  123. Your car is so… Mike.  It makes me smile.
  124. You were the best, and I am nearly certain the very last Blind Date I’ve ever been on.
  125. You’re a fine conversationalist.
  126. You have really absurd views about which you are unwavering.
  127. But somehow they make sense.
  128. You have a very clean asshole.  And you are sure of this.
  129. You threw up in your pants.
  130. You smile sometimes when you’re sleeping.
  131. You like to play games.
  132. But you don’t “play games.”
  133. Sometimes you cross your legs when you sit down.
  134. You have excellent table manners.
  135. Your smile makes me melt.
  136. You are forthcoming with your emotions, and I know it is not easy for you.
  137. You understand why being on time is important.
  138. You never belittle me.
  139. You can hold your booze.  Sometimes.
  140. You’re so metal.
  141. You’ve held on to the little boy that you were.
  142. You’ve put a lot of thought in to the man you’ve become and are continuing to become.
  143. You are intentional.
  144. Good god, you love the B-52s.
  145. You hate it, but you’ll watch shitty reality tv with me.
  146. You hold my hand when we sit on the couch.
  147. You are a gentleman.
  148. You’ve got pretty good taste in things.
  149. You’re not a bigot.
  150. You give me the giggles.
  151. You know why laughing in bed before we got to sleep is important.
  152. You really will get a Krampus costume someday.
  153. You love naps.
  154. You love rainy Sundays.
  155. You’re a great kisser.
  156. You  seem to take up a relatively small part of the bed compared to Emily.
  157. You’re a good speller.
  158. You’re patient.
  159. You save the last bite of the ice cream for me.
  160. You’ll eat my overcooked chicken.
  161. You are conscientious,
  162. You don’t think I am a crazy hippie for having things that matter to me.
  163. You support my breastfeeding and don’t seem freaked out by it.
  164. You’re willing to hear me out.
  165. You always check to see if my doors/windows are locked.
  166. You always put the seat down.
  167. You don’t leave wet towels on the bed.
  168. You have nice teeth.
  169. You are silly.
  170. You liked it when I brought you balloons and reminded you to choose to be happy.
  171. You accept that I am ridiculous and have “internet girl friends.”
  172. You encourage me to set goals.
  173. You don’t mind going to bed early.
  174. You read in bed which I find sexy as all get out.
  175. You will likely wear reading glasses some day and I think that is mega cute.
  176. You use the funny square smilies.
  177. You wear your plaid shorts.
  178. You look like a boy I’d have liked when I was a teenager.
  179. You act like a man I should like as a grown woman.
  180. But not all of the time.
  181. You don’t think there should be a TV in a bedroom.
  182. You always help me look for things even though it is retarded that I always lose shit.
  183. You’re teaching me not to raise my voice.
  184. You’re teaching me to be more mindful of the things I say to people I love.
  185. You’re teaching me to have a thicker skin.
  186. You go to the doctor regularly and take care of yourself.
  187. You don’t complain about my outrageous typos.
  188. You make great pancakes.
  189. You remind me to insist on good table manners from Em.
  190. You built her bicycle.
  191. You let me sleep in from time to time.
  192. Your giggle makes my day.
  193. You like crappy 80s movies.
  194. You don’t pick on me about things I am sensitive about.
  195. You took me to a GWAR show.
  196. You understand that it might be the last one I attend.
  197. You like real butter.
  198. You tolerate cooking shows.
  199. You’re not a snobby anti-TV person.
  200. You’re coming around to see the possible joy in a semi-small non-shedding dog.
  201. I think you’ll let me have a dog that sleeps in the bed.
  202. You don’t mind that Emily sleeps in our bed.
  203. You understand the depths of my love for her and for you and the inherent differences.
  204. You call me when you are at the store to see if I need anything.
  205. You call me “baby” and I love it.
  206. You always let me know when you are home safely.
  207. You don’t think I am lecturing you when I remind you to be careful.
  208. I trust you completely.
  209. You’re a good driver.
  210. You keep your car relatively clean.
  211. You have a pink laundry basket.
  212. You understand that the best gifts are heartfelt.
  213. You save things that are special to you.
  214. You have goals.
  215. You think before you speak.
  216. You’ll undoubtedly point out to me if I repeat myself on this list.
  217. You’re contrary and argumentative.
  218. You’ll make the cutest old, old man.
  219. You’ll be a crazy sexy older man.
  220. You’ll likely keep a great deal of your hair.
  221. And probably more of your t-shirts than I care to acknowledge.
  222. You don’t think certain things are “women’s work.”
  223. You are both traditional and progressive.
  224. You seem to really deeply respect the women in your family.
  225. You hold me and the people you love to high standards.
  226. You like low brow humor.
  227. You are a good person to sit at a bar with, involving the people that sit on both sides of you in your conversation.  This is not easy to do.
  228. You never make me feel like I am along for the ride.
  229. You always make me feel like no matter what I will be going home with you.
  230. You are playful.
  231. You don’t hog the covers.
  232. You’ll share your hair brush.
  233. You always let me know when you make plans, I don’t feel like I am the last to know.
  234. You introduced me to some really great people.
  235. You came over every day for three weeks.
  236. You are adventurous.
  237. You are fearless.
  238. You pause the TV when I get up and leave the room.
  239. You don’t smoke it but you love the smell of good grass.
  240. You are a comfortable in our shared silence.
  241. You like dominos.
  242. You like sitting and reading and drinking coffee with me.
  243. You don’t think we need to “do” anything when we have a “date” for it to be special.
  244. You’re teaching me that you love me and to trust that.
  245. You’re not afraid to buy something that makes you smile.
  246. You are patient with Emily.
  247. You are warm when you’re sleeping, but your feet never sweat.
  248. You admit it when you don’t know something.
  249. You ignore my efforts at tantrums.
  250. You put the seat down.
  251. You don’t leave wet laundry in the washing machine.
  252. You always take out the trash.
  253. You  mean it when you say you’d be ok with just me and Emily.
  254. But I believe you when you say that you want to have a baby with me.
  255. You don’t cringe when I talk about the future.
  256. But you live for the moment right now.
  257. You are well read.
  258. You appreciate the classics, but don’t assume something is “great” because it’s “classic.”
  259. I love it when you say something is “good.”
  260. You always ask me if I want you to get something from the store when I don’t feel well.
  261. You gave me hope again.
  262. You make me feel lucky.
  263. You are amazing at finding four leafed clovers.
  264. You embrace my desire to be friendly with the neighbors.
  265. You never put your shoes on the couch.
  266. You are a nerd of epic proportions.
  267. You are a better dancer than you think, I absolutely loved going to RRH with you & Chris.
  268. You never give me the stink eye when I get blotto.
  269. You never deserve the stink eye when you get blotto.
  270. You’re aware of how your moodiness affects me.
  271. You are super, super cute.
  272. You put your hand on my back when I walk by sometimes and it gives me chills.
  273. You are polite to bartenders and waiters.
  274. You’re not full of shit.  At all.
  275. You speak your mind.
  276. You plan fun things for us to do.
  277. You understand why my old friends are important.
  278. You make an effort to include me in things even though I am housebound.
  279. You understand when I am lonely.
  280. You never drink the last beer without mentioning it.
  281. You buy us a secret bag of M&Ms sometimes.
  282. You kiss me when you get “home.”
  283. You understand why I don’t want you to walk out on me when we argue.
  284. You pick your battles.
  285. You’re sexy as a motherfucker.
  286. You always have an umbrella in your car,
  287. You told me that you tipped over Em’s car seat before she did.
  288. You like Amy & Nate.
  289. You said you’d take us to the airport even though it is crazy early.
  290. You always have a book with you.
  291. You turned your claddagh ring around and I noticed.
  292. You kissed me back, our very first kiss and removed any doubt that I might have had about whether or not you’d had as good a time as I had.
  293. You made it both very easy and very difficult to be a lady for five whole days.
  294. I can talk to you about anything.
  295. You fill the ice trays.
  296. You make me feel like something really amazing is happening between us.
  297. You include Emily in our relationship, every step of the way.
  298. You’re our “Mike.”
  299. You swear like a sailor.
  300. You’re Irish.
  301. You give good “family hugs.”
  302. You told me how you felt about when I cry in bed.
  303. You understood when I replied the way that I did.
  304. You will probably always buy cookies from the Girl Scouts.
  305. You can’t help but donate to a charity when asked directly.
  306. You’re sweet.
  307. Your beard is never scratchy.
  308. You gag when you brush your teeth.
  309. You loved the punch balloons.
  310. You’re not afraid to put your arm inside a chicken’s butt.
  311. You make no apologies for your irreverence.
  312. You are mindful of the little things.
  313. You know that a sweeping gesture doesn’t erase a lack of attention to the details.
  314. You would fight for me, for us, for Emily.  Because you believe in this.
  315. You love Stanley.
  316. Your face… when you saw the pigs the first time.  It was too sweet.
  317. Terrible segue, but your face when you first held Gia, I fell in love with you all over again.
  318. You don’t interrupt people.
  319. You understand why it matters to me that you have a relationship with my family .
  320. You’re not sneaky.  Even though you are at times very private.
  321. You don’t try to hurt my feelings.  Ever.
  322. You aspire to “be” something.  And know that I truly support whatever that may be.
  323. You are judgmental without being close minded.
  324. You believe in equality.
  325. You’re not a homophobe.
  326. You really seem to be trying not to chew beer tabs around me.
  327. You like to snuggle on the couch with Ems.
  328. You don’t leave a lot of lights on when you leave the house.
  329. You are an incredible lover.
  330. You are fair.
  331. You’re witty and clever without being biting.
  332. You are adorably baby faced sometimes.
  333. You can tell a good joke.
  334. You remember details of things I’d never recall.
  335. You’re cool.
  336. You like the way the library smells and appreciate real book stores.
  337. You got me Nutter Butters for Christmas.
  338. You always call me when you say you’re going to.
  339. You’re rarely vague.
  340. You make me feel strong and capable and at the same time show me what I need to do to be stronger.
  341. You’re just the right height for me.
  342. You let me wear my leather jacket, even when you really want to wear yours.
  343. You secretly love it that I am a big damn sap.
  344. You don’t mind when I fall asleep on the couch.
  345. You actually remind me of things when I say “Will you remind me to…?”
  346. You don’t seem to mind the mundane details of living.
  347. You let me wear your fabulous tan sweatshirt.
  348. You don’t keep score.
  349. You have a very strong face.
  350. You look me right in the eye when it matters.
  351. You’ll probably save this.
  352. You recognize the need to just calm down sometimes and take a time out.
  353. You are proud.
  354. You smell really good.
  355. You don’t mind that I am peculiar about which side I walk on.
  356. You can take it as well as you dish it out.
  357. You make me feel like I deserve you.
  358. You see our relationship as rock solid.
  359. You put your face against my neck when you hug me.
  360. You make me feel safe.
  361. You  are self conscious, insecure, afraid…. A million things I’d never have guessed.  And you let me in on it.
  362. You trust me.
  363. You’ve given me your whole heart without reservation.
  364. You’re in it for the long haul.
  365. And you have a great ass.  You didn’t think I’d leave that out? Xxoo

Cheers, to a hell of a year, sweetheart.

Happy Birthday, Ems…

Ems,
I’m just really proud that it was yesterday you decided to start dropping the “Breaking the Law! Breaking the Law!!” every time we did something a little awesome. Because it will be way funnier to remind you that you used to quote Judas Priest when you were only three. But seriously… are you only four years old? Yesterday afternoon when I picked you up from school we were on the way down the hall and I said “So… did you do anything cool today?” You rolled your eyes a bit and said “Well, sure… let me get my backpack and we can break it down when we get in the car.”

I was almost afraid that years had passed me by and you were turning 14. But then you woke me up this morning with your sweet face next to mine and said “Mom, I think I peed in your bed a tiny, tiny bit.” And oddly… I was happy to have my baby back for a second.

Happy Birthday, goofy girl. You’re still my big, bright star. Every day shining brighter. Love you.
-Mom

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