Unsolicited Parenting #2: Virginity

If you happen to listen to Madonna while you do the dishes and your 8-year-old daughter happens to ask you what a virgin is – be careful what you tell her.  Don’t tell her that a virgin is someone who has never done “something” before or else she will loudly announce “I am a virgin!” whenever you enter a store she has never been in or eat a meal she has never had before.

And maybe you’ve already anticipated this – but I was rather taken aback when my sweet 8-year-old daughter shouted “I’m not a virgin anymore!” after she left the store and after she set down her fork.

It’s my recommendation that you go with a more specific explanation of the word “virgin” when your child asks you.  And since I am no longer an “Explaining the word virgin to your sweet daughter” virgin – you should really take my advice.

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17 responses to “Unsolicited Parenting #2: Virginity

  1. Hahahaha – this was hilarious!!!

  2. This is hilarious! Oh, the life you live. :)

  3. I think about this type of thing a lot. When I listen to my favorite 50 CDs or watch one of my 15 favorite shows, I think, “when I have kids, will I be able to watch this show with them around? Will I be able to listen to this soundtrack in the car while driving with my kids?”
    And this is what it comes down to: What if they start singing that one questionable line from this song in the middle of a store? What if they ask me what this word means?
    If I am comfortable with the answers to those questions, it’s all good. But, once I have kids I won’t be able to listen to the Moulin Rouge, Chicago, and Les Miserables soundtracks for about 18 years. Although I have strongly considered burning a copy of the disc which omits the inappropriate songs.

    • Funny that you mention show tunes, I was raised on Chorus Line. And what did I belt out at the grocery store “TITS AND ASSSSS, got myself a fancy pair!” :)

  4. So the lesson here is “Madonna ruins everything”?

    • You know you could sing Cyndi Lauper’s “Money Changes Everything” and switch the lyrics to “Madonna Ruins Everything.” You could do that. might be doing it now.

  5. I can see my son doing something similar in public, probably in front of the school principal or his great-grandparents. Definitely will head this little gem of advice.

  6. Note taken. Oh my god.

  7. Thanks for reminding me that while I think life with a toddler is hard, I need to be put in my place.

    Unrelated, but I thought you’d enjoy this: yesterday I was changing C and she kept grabbing my boobs and yelling “Mommy three boobies with MILK! Mommy three boobies with MILK!”

  8. Colleen @ The Family Pants

    Laughed my ass off, dude. Like actually LOL’ed. Hilarious and excellent advice.

  9. When I first learned the word, I gleefully announced to a room full of Thanksgivng guests that my /brother/ was a virgin. I know better now.

  10. Everything my daughter knows about sex she learned from “Friends.”

    • This is the only reason I have ever considered watching that show. I might be the only person in the history of ever that never watched it. For ages I worked on Thursday nights, way back in the day of watching live tv, you know, when Friends was on. :)

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