I tell myself too many times
Why don’t you ever learn to keep your big mouth shut
That’s why it hurts so bad to hear the words
That keep on falling from your mouth
I’ve always had a soft spot for that song. Hadn’t planned on it ever becoming so meaningful. Lesson learned. When you love someone it is wise to think before you open your mouth. Particularly if you plan to blame them for the wrongs committed by people other than said loved one. I can’t blame him for telling me I can’t talk to him like that. I can’t. In truth, I think I have never loved him as much, respected him as much. And now I am, as my mother would say, “sitting in my own shit” until he decides that he’ll forgive me for being so hateful. I think he wants to. He’s said as much. I hope that he can.
It’s funny how things happen that you’d never have expected but looking backwards you can see it coming as clearly as, well… something you can see coming very clearly. I got a new tattoo a month ago, to honor the time I have spent growing past my failed marriage and the pain all mixed up in that. I hadn’t really planned on it applying to my present heart… but it does now more than I’d have hoped. Looking backwards I can see the shit storm I was brewing…