Monthly Archives: May 2012

Dame’s Almost Famous Chicken & Waffles


What follows is my review of Durham, North Carolina’s Dame’s Almost Famous Chicken & Waffle’s. I should preface this with mention of the fact that I have never before had Chicken & Waffles. I’ve not ever even had Soul Food, I don’t think. Unless you count the Kill Devil Grill’s Bubble & Squeak, poached eggs served over fried chicken and topped with sausage gravy. It’s not classically southern food I don’t think but it is fried chicken at breakfast time and the only time I have ever consumed in excess of 3500 calories in a single meal so it seems to deserve mention.

We walked towards the door past the dozen or so people waiting outside. We overheard the hostess say “there will be a 45 minute wait” to a table of two and we just smiled smugly, like you do when you’re waiting to say “party of 4, we have a reservation.”

The smug look left our faces quickly when the hostess replied stalwartly “we don’t take reservations on Sundays. I’ll be right back” and turned and left us standing at the door.

Every single review I read of Durham’s famed Dame’s Chicken & Waffles mentioned their wait. Without exception they claimed it was worth it. It was the middle of the afternoon. We had a happy baby and a reasonably docile six year old in tow so I suggested we try to appeal to her sense of kindness rather than give her any attitude. Maybe they could seat us in 25 minutes instead of 45? A restaurant known for being busy will not likely care if we were to cop an attitude. My mental scenarios were all unnecessary. She returned to let us know that our reservation was taken by a new employee. She saw where our name had been written down and she would be glad to give us the next available table.  So far, so good.

Emily and I stepped outside for a few minutes. The people waiting for a table were clearly divided into two camps – those trying to figure out what they would be having and those that had been to Dame’s before.

Everyone that was there for the first time had the same excited expression I can remember seeing on a freshman girl at her first fraternity party spring semester. All at once excited and pain-stakingly casual. Unsure of how things we going to unfold. Not entirely certain why they had waited so long to come.

We were greeted warmly immediately after being seated and provided crayons with which to draw on the butcher paper. We clearly fell in to the “Never been here before” camp as our waiter gave us the full low down on the menu. I love a place that tells you instead of their specials which items they do not have today. It suggests everything is special, some items so special that they’ve run out. Instead of feeling like you are being gypped you mentally start planning your next visit before you have even ordered.

One of us is growing our our bangs. It is painful.

We debated. MQD used a random number generator on his phone to decide. And then changed his mind again. Ultimately opting for the “I’ll decide when the waiter asks me” approach. I opted for sweet potato waffles with fried chicken cutlets and a shmear of maple-pecan butter. MQD went with chicken legs, a classic waffle with caramel and cashews with a chocolate hazelnut shmear. Em got a classic waffle with a blueberry shmear. On the side we had grits and macaroni and cheese to share.

“This is too good to be true.” Emily summed it up best. Each item was outstanding all by itself. Every one of us took a bite and instantly said “Try this!” to everyone else at the table.

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Our waiter asked how things were and we told him we’d be back, at least a dozen more times so we could work our way around the menu.

As we started slowing down I declared “There will be no dinner served at our house tonight.”

Delicious. All the fuss about chicken and waffles have you baffled? Go to Dame’s. Order anything at all. It will all make sense to you. And order the macaroni and cheese. Just so you can tell me what the added herbs in it are… rosemary and thyme, I think. But there’s something else, too. It must be Soul.

Books!

“If you go home with somebody, and they don’t have books, don’t fuck ’em!”
― John Waters

We both have a lot of books.  Perhaps that explains the attraction.  I was so excited when we found the stacks of books centerpiece idea.  I couldn’t imagine getting married with stuff all over the place that was just stuff.  Or flowers. Books was a perfect solution.  I could finally picture a wedding that looked like our wedding.

Word Girl

A romantic guy he isn’t. But he communicates his feelings well.

Our texts from the hours leading up to our wedding.

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Balance

I love this picture, taken moments after we were married.

I don’t know if a perfect union exists.  But I know that MQD and I are pretty damn close to perfect.  We balance one another out in a million ways.  Perhaps the most poignant of these ways is in the way we express our love for one another and in turn, the way we each need to be loved.

Underneath everything I think people are who they were as a little kid.  I am a little girl that wonders if people respect me as a person and see through pretty, little Kelly.  Mike is a boy that perhaps wonders if he is more than whip-smart. We are so different, the two of us. And yet, we are the same. Each of us a person that is confident in how we are perceived in one arena, maybe not so confident in another.

In this picture I see those two little kids.  I think that quiet boy is the dreamiest boy in the class, absolutely the cutest boy I’ve ever seen.  That boy is unimpressed with my showy confidence, instead admiring a strength and smarts I did not even know I posses.

I adore him.  And he respects me.  And you can see it all over our faces in this moment.

Let’s Hear it for the Boys!

When I was young I had my boys. In middle school they were a motley bunch of goofy guys that I fancied myself to be in love with intermittently. In high school I had the boys in the drama department. We worked together, we built things and painted things and sat around in the booth in the dark. In college I preferred beer and bong hits to shopping and sorority rushing, so again, I found my boys.

My boys were my buddies, my confidantes, my playmates. I’ve always had only a couple of close girl friends and a gaggle of boys.

When I left the beach to move to Chapel Hill I left behind my last bunch of boys, some of whom had made the shift from Williamsburg college boys to beach boys.

When I met these fools I had no idea I’d grow to love them so dearly.

When I met MQD I was immediately impressed with the strength of the bond between his friends. He and his boys were no joke. He took me home to Charlestown and again I was amazed. The man loves his boys. And he loves me. Some girls fall for a boy with a great rent controlled apartment in the city and they inherit that. Some girls just want to wear his leather jacket.

I married MQD and I got boys. They’re his boys. But they love him and he loves me and any one of them would help me out if I needed it, of this I am certain.

As we all get older these boys… they are collecting these incredible women. If I am lucky our children will grow up with their children. Thank you for sharing your friends with me, Mike. You are an incredibly lucky man to have them on your side. And so am I.

The Charlestown Boys

A father who loved…

I pick. I probe. I ask questions. In my first marriage I used to ask “Are we gonna be okay?” and later learned I should have been more specific. Early on with MQD I started asking specific questions.

“If I can’t get pregnant will you resent me?”

“Do you believe it’s possible to marry, raise a family and still be in love? Do you want that with me?”

“I won’t likely make the same kind of money you will and I want to raise my children, be at home as much as I can. I struggle with feeling like that makes me your equal. Do you think it does?”

But every so often there’s a question. One I don’t let pass my lips because I already know the answer.

The other night I was listening to MQD tucking Em in to bed. They were laughing. “Good night, sweetheart. I love you,” he said.

He was walking down the stairs and a question popped in to my head. He walked behind me as I sat in the rocking chair and he paused and looked down at Lucy. I could feel him smiling.

“Do you love Emily the same way you love Lucy?” Contrary to the way it might appear to some, I do occasionally bite my tongue. I didn’t ask him.

But once I’d formulated the question I couldn’t stop thinking about it. It’s ridiculous. It was a trap. I don’t love Lucy and Emily the same. Equally, sure. But not the same. And I’d never ask him if he loved them equally. The scientist in him would immediately answer that Love is not something that can be quantified.  There was no right answer.

And really his answer doesn’t matter. It’s a silly question. And one I know the answer to in the grand scheme of things.

I tell Emily all of the time that no matter what, even if I had a hundred more kids that always and forever it would be Emily that made me a mother. It secures her a special place in my heart.

Emily made MQD a father, too. It’s easy to see a father’s love with an infant in his arms. For that matter it is easy to love an infant. But MQD grew to love a three year old. Anyone who has ever spent time with a three year old knows that they are fickle beasts.

Emily made MQD a father. One day at a time. Slowly.

She started calling him Dad the day we were married. But he became a dad long before then.

Mike, I love the way you love your girls. All three of us.

Laughter is the Best Medicine

I’ve mentioned before that I love Reader’s Digest.  I learned  an awful lot from Reader’s Digest and there are things I read there that I believe now to be gospel.  It really is “all in a day’s work,” I suppose. And in my heart of hearts I believe that laughter is the best medicine.  It’ll cure what ails you.

I love the picture above.  MQD makes me laugh each and every day and roughly 95% of the time he doesn’t even mean to.

An ordinary exchange.  Married couple is sitting on the couch watching a television show.  Wife waits until a commercial and then while the husband is fast forwarding she strikes up a conversation.

“How do you feel about wallpaper?” I asked him the other night.

“I don’t have a problem with wallpaper. I mean no one in my family was killed by wallpaper.”

Keep me laughing, Mike.  And you’ll keep me.