In the past nineteen days I have been to work eight times. Lucy has been with me.
I have showered eighteen of the first nineteen days of Lucy’s life.
I have eaten pizza for dinner only twice.
I have zero dirty clothes right now and only a small basket of clothes that need to be put away.
My kitchen floor has been mopped four times and my bathrooms are clean.
I made burgers on our new grill.
I have written eight blog posts.
I helped Em make a project for her hundredth day of school.
I went to Staples.
I have vacuumed at least every other day and the couch has been vacuumed three times. Every day I make the bed.
I have walked my dog three times.
And only twice have I stayed in bed past 7:30 am.
And yet it doesn’t seem like enough.
It’s been almost three weeks and this morning is the first time I just stayed in bed and held her. It goes too fast.
And I’ve been missing it. In an effort to not miss a beat I’ve missed the only beat that won’t be waiting for me in weeks, months and years.
I know what Lucy smells like, the way the top of her head feels against my lips. I know the sound she makes me when she nurses because she is hungry and I know the way she sighs before she falls asleep. I know what her toes feel like because I have taken to sleeping face to face with her, her foot in my hand. She is in my arms or nursing or snuggled against me in a wrap nearly all of her waking hours.
I have taken more than 300 pictures.
But until this morning I don’t think I knew what she looked like.
My baby girl, Lucy Quinn, is nineteen days old and this morning we stayed in bed until 10:45. And I took a long look at her. And at me.
I started working full time for a general contractor on January 28, 2008 as their office manager and bookkeeper. In the last four years we have seen business ebb and flow. But lately it has been slower than not. As I sat down to go over the finances with my boss the other day we were discussing needing to make payroll in the coming weeks.
He said ”Let’s talk about what is realistic for you.”
I’m afraid I know what is realistic. For me. I have a full time job.
Life has a way of putting what you need out in front of you. Whether or not you reach out and grab it, that’s on you.
This morning when I woke up my dream job was staring me right in the face.
And I think I have to reach out and grab it.
Oh Kelly, I know from whence you speak!! I’ve been there! If it’s something you are able to do, go for it!! I have no regrets about staying home with my kids. But know this, your kids will need you for years to come! I’m actually so happy that I have a flexible part time job so I can be with my kids even now as they are in middle school and high school. Trust me, it’s just hard in a different way. I’m so happy for you all! hugs and kisses!!
Best decision you could make. Terrifying, thrilling, all the things you should feel when you’re taking a leap. Best job I ever had.
Dude, jobs come and go. Babies just grow and grow.
I didn’t mean to rhyme but I went with it. You can make a poster out of it if you want.
A huge poster. :) I think I will need a reminder.
You are definitely an overachiever! ;) I don’t get anywhere close to that much stuff done in 19 days… It does all pass far too quickly, even when you’re paying attention. Every once in a while I really get a *good* look at ML or CI and it blows me away, even though I am with them everyday. I just stare at them and wonder where, oh where did my babies go….these are grown kids I tell you. Then I grab them up for a huge, tear-filled hug (while they’re both rolling their eyes at me, lol). If you are able to stay at home, you won’t regret it. :)
Dude, stop all the vacuuming.You’re making me look bad.
Also, if you can, even if you can do it part time, you will be one of the luckiest women. I wish I could do it full time. I want to be a full time mama. Maybe get about 10 hours of work a week in.
Sadly, there is not enough time and not enough money if we want things like owning this house, etc.
Do it if you and your husband agree.
Okay so out of everyone that I have “grown” my babies with you would be the last person I would ever dream to have the sudden urge to give advice to. Heck, who am I to give advice, on a daily basis I need advice! With that said, I can’t read this and not share my regret. I truly wish that I stopped this crazy life I lead and held my babies more and was the one who took care of them for at least their first years. In an effort to give them everything they needed (or so I thought they needed) I never stopped to realize all they truly wanted or needed was me. Who knows if we could have afforded it and I am still working to figure it all out but one day I will. It’s one regret that will stay with me and I would never want that for you. Mama, you are one smart cookie, I have no doubt you can and will do what is best for your family. You always have.
If you’ve showered 18 out of the 19 days of little Lucy’s life, you’re clearly an overachiever :) And very much capable of stealing a much deserved pause. It sounds like your gut has spoken. Cheers to you and Lucy!
Love reading your posts KA. Always hit home for me. What lucky daughters you have!
Or at least grab her foot. I sleep holding Lulu’s hand. You’ll rock this dream job mama. I know it.
If y’all can make it work, grab that little girl and go for it! Do what’s right for you and your family.
And p.s. The list of things you’ve accomplished in the past 19 days with an infant are WAY MORE than I’ve accomplished, and there is no baby in sight in my world. I have no idea when the last time was that I got up before 7:30am…. ROCK ON.
I found myself completely grossed out by my shower today. Have done spot cleaning now and then with the awesomeness that is Tilex, but realized I haven’t done an elbow-grease full scrubbing of my complete bathroom since we moved in. Last May. As in MONTHS AGO.
Bottom line: you rock. And if you want some more bathrooms to clean, you just give me a call — xoxo
What a gorgeous post. I’ve just found your blog by chance and am reading through past entries as I sit here feeding my wee one in the dark and you’ve just made me cry! We all need to take a step back sometimes to see what’s right there under our noses – usually nestled under our chins!
Thanks so much. I promise I won’t make you cry all of the time. :) And you’re so right. Sometimes you have to stop and breathe and look around to see what is already there.
We will see… but I think it’s looking like it.
Stay at home mom?! I love being able to do that and work a little too. I think you will make a FAB SAHM!!!!!
Grab it, mama. And count yourself lucky.