Gay for the Day!
I failed. And I really tried. I didn’t see a single woman all day besides my daughter. And I’m not even going there. I did have a brief chat with one of my daughter’s teachers, but she doesn’t ring my bell, not that one anyway. Heh.
So, off to the gym. I was hopeful that I might get to have an entertaining encounter. I even went in to the locker room, thinking that I could guarantee that I’d not be distracted by anyone of the male persuasion in there. I hung around in there for a few minutes, just long enough to start feeling like a creep and moved on, hopeful that my yoga class would have some enticing young ladies.
My trip to the gym actually was a double mission. Last week I managed to surreptitiously snap a pic of a bearded cute young man who looked an awful like the third Avett Brother. I’d recently had a conversation with someone about how camera phones could easily be used to snap pictures of people with out them even realizing it, so I quickly took a picture of this cutie as an example. While my efforts were appreciated I was told that the picture I got was altogether too blurry for her to confirm that he did really resemble an Avett Brother so I was on a mission to secure a less blurry photo.
Waiting in front of the room for the yoga class to begin I felt like a cast member of the Jersey Shore… I was CREEPIN’ for sure! As a not-single gal this alone had me a little giggly. Moments after spotting the Avett look-alike he got on his phone and I was able to snap a quick pic of him talking on the phone and incidentally looking right at me. It was perfect. I win! Mission One accomplished. Now, to set my sights on a lady.
There were a handful of cute-ish girls, but all of them younger than the last. And while I think a 17-year-old boy is about as cute as they come, pardon the expression, the teen gals do nothing for me. I’m sure there is something to be uncovered by a therapy session in that, but moving on… Well, not just yet, speaking of uncovered in a therapy session, I did notice that while actually scoping out chicks at the gym I found myself just as critical of other women as I am of myself. I often wonder if my body image issues are motivated internally or externally, primarily. In really looking at other women I realized a few things… I think my “ideal” is totally fucked by societal standards. And even in a gym full of college aged women I couldn’t find a “perfect 10.” What does this mean? I should chill the fuck out and relax a little and not be so hard on myself. And if I was a lesbian I think I might be a real pain in the ass.
So…. in to yoga class I go. Still failing miserably at today’s challenge. I did try and spend less time grabbing at and eyeing MQD’s ass than I typically do in a day. And this is saying a lot. But still not enough to make me feel Ive succeeded. Throw down my mat and see that Yoga Boy/Avett Bro is right next to me. He has a placed another mat next to him, presumably for the recipient of his phone call.
And she enters the room. Cute little blond, crosses in front of me to Yoga Boy/Avett’s Brother’s spare mat. Awww. His girl. Of course.
I spent the next hour attempting to make eyes at this young lady, but it was a huge fail. She made really screwed up yoga faces, for one, and for two… the fact that the only time I even kinda thought there was a glimmer of somethin’ somethin’ in my innards was when I could check out her butt from a most interesting point of view (looking through her boyfriend’s legs…)
Moral of the story… I failed. I love boys. Boys, men and everything in between. Today wasn’t much of an epiphany.