Tag Archives: Dear Emily

A Letter to My Girls

Posted on November 7, 2012 | 6 comments

Girls,

This morning we talked about the election results over breakfast. Emily, you asked me why I was glad that Obama had won and we talked about how you vote for the candidate that you think believes in the things that you feel are most important. We talked briefly about how candidates talk about their platforms and how we all try and make an informed decision.

“How old do you have to be to be president, Mom?” I answered you. I saw your eyes light up. “You could be the president, Mom, you are older than 35!”

I love that you said this.

I am watching the news this morning, Em. The 113th Congress will have at least 19 female Senators. How exciting!

Lucy, by the time you are old enough to talk about politics we just might be talking about what our President’s husband was wearing!

Girls, I don’t talk to you about politics a lot. But I want you to know that I am so very glad that you are being raised in a country that values your voice. It is hard to imagine that your voices will get louder, but they will. My girls, you will become women with loud, strong voices that are heard. I am grateful for this.

Someday when you have your own kids you will understand why Hope is huge. I Hope so big for you both. President Obama said in his speech last night “I have always believed that hope is that stubborn thing inside us that insists, despite all the evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us so long as we have the courage to keep reaching, to keep working, to keep fighting.”

I love that you will grow up to be American women. I hope I can lead you by example. Dream big, girls.

I love you,

Mom

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Birthday

Posted on September 19, 2012 | 9 comments

Dear Emily June,

Seven.  I remember being seven.  My best friend when I was seven is still one of my best friends.  Seven is kind of a big deal.

I asked you last night while we ate your birthday dinner (pizza from I Love NY Pizza) what you would tell someone if they were turning six.  Your advice for all those about to be six “You’re gonna have a great time.  You will love school!” You are a happy girl.  You’re emotional and dramatic like your mother but for the most part you are joyous.

I worried when you were little.  I was not in the best place in my head and heart and you were a screamy baby.  I worried that your screaminess was my fault.  You and I were always together and I feared you would absorb my sensitive nature and my general state of unhappiness.

Your screamy days passed as the winter turned to spring but you were still so very serious.  You were kind of an intense little person.  I took a series  of headshots of you once in an effort to get a picture of your elusive smile.  Someday you will appreciate how much they resembled Nick Nolte’s famous mug shot.

It didn’t take long before your seriousness faded.  Once you could walk (at a precocious  ten months) you started to dance.  And once you could dance you never stopped.  You were in constant motion.  Your teeny little bird frame became a toddler’s body and your smile was overwhelming.

You became a tiny little lady, my sidekick, my playmate.  The time between your first and third birthdays was hard for me.  You gave me strength.  And so very many laughs.

And now you are seven.  Seven going on seventeen, they say.  But like so many trite sayings I fear it may be true.  I tried to get your picture yesterday morning. You were smiling at me and then assumed the position of “fed up pre-teen” as soon as I pointed the camera your way.

I had hoped to say something clever to you on your birthday.  True to form I had no plan as I ran up the stairs to your bedroom yesterday morning.  Something would come to me.

I opened your bedroom door expecting to see you getting dressed.  Your light was already on.  You were crouched on the floor by your Legos.  “Whatcha doing?” I asked you.

“Playing.”

I knelt down next to you and took you in my arms.  And the tears came.  “Just playing, huh? Happy birthday, baby girl.  You can be my baby for one more year, right?”

Ever indulgent, you hugged me tight. “When I am not a baby anymore, Mom, Lucy will still be your baby.”

I didn’t answer you.  I do my level best not to pick fights with you in the morning before school.  But make no mistake, kiddo.  You will always, always be my baby girl.

Happy birthday, sweetheart.  Keep smiling.

Love,

Mom

 

 

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525,600 minutes…

Posted on June 6, 2012 | 14 comments

Or about four inches.  That is how you measure a year.

Last June Emily graduated from her preschool wearing a dress with purple flowers.  She had a sweet little smile and her bangs needed a trim.  I was a tiny bit pregnant and wearing pigtails.

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Emily, June 2011, preschool graduation

This morning that sweet faced little girl graduated from Kindergarten in the same dress.  It was shorter this year.  She continues to grow up. Straight up.  Her face is sharper.  She is growing out her bangs and is typically wearing no fewer than two hair accessories.  I curled her hair this morning.  Two hours later I arrived at school and she had another hairdo altogether.

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She proudly held her little sister during a good portion of the graduation ceremony.  The back of her neck makes me tear up.  There is something beautiful about the back of a woman’s neck.  Hers is no exception.  In that six (almost seven!) year old neck I can see the young woman she will become.  Inches below her neck is the freckle she had when she was born.

Somewhere between that freckle and that young woman’s neck will be tears and heart break and laughter and joy too numerous too imagine.  She will not always be in a white dress with purple flowers, but she will always be my baby, my Emily June.

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Emily, June 2012, Kindergarten Graduation

Ems,

There are no words to describe this last year.  A fearless little girl started kindergarten in a brand, new school.  Weeks later she started again at yet another new school, beginning a new chapter in a new home.

Your baby face has faded, in its place a crooked smile complete with wiggly teeth.  You still let me call you “tiny heiney” but you were appalled when I mooned you the other day in the kitchen.  You have a new found sense of propriety.

You still sleep with pinky blanket, but the night your sister was born you did not.  I held it in my hands, wiped the tears from my face, the sweat from my forehead with it.  It was a reminder that I had all the strength I needed to make you a big sister.

And what a big sister you have become.  Your patience is out measured only by your kindness.  She watches you endlessly.  Your “baby sway” would lead one to believe that you were a teeny tiny grandmother.   I could go on and on, sweet girl, but the tears streaming down my face have soaked your sister as she sleeps in my lap.

When you turned one I told you you were my big, bright star.  And little lady, you do not disappoint.  Every time you grow a little bit older I tell you to knock it off.  But underneath the sentimentality of motherhood, I secretly rejoice.  One day we will share a glass of wine and reminisce about growing up.  Because I am growing right along with you. I love you, kiddo.  More than you may ever know.

Mom

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Aside

Em, I wrote your sister because she is three months old today. And in my ongoing quest to keep things equal I thought I’d write you, too. I’m not sure if you keep score, but I do in my head. … Continue reading →

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Posted on April 20, 2012

If I knew then….

Posted on September 19, 2011 | 2 comments

September is a tough month for me.   Em’s birthday, her due date and the day Jer and I were married are all within a week of one another.  It’s impossible for me to think about one without thinking of another.

I told Em the story of the day she was born yesterday.  And it was hard.  It is equally hard to call her father and hear him tell her that he loves her.  On this day it is harder than any other day for some reason.   I don’t imagine it is a picnic for MQD to hear me tell her about Jeremy, either.  I do my very best to let Jeremy speak for himself. I never speak ill of him to her, nor do I tell her fantastic tales of a man she sees not enough of.  I do what I can to let her love for him carry their relationship.  She sees him with her own eyes, not mine.

I just dug up the letter I wrote Em on her second birthday.  I had no idea just how much her laughter would carry me through some dark days. When I wrote Em this letter I knew what was coming…. but I had no idea where I was going yet. Continue reading →

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Happy Birthday, Ems…

Posted on September 18, 2009 | 2 comments

Ems,
I’m just really proud that it was yesterday you decided to start dropping the “Breaking the Law! Breaking the Law!!” every time we did something a little awesome. Because it will be way funnier to remind you that you used to quote Judas Priest when you were only three. But seriously… are you only four years old? Yesterday afternoon when I picked you up from school we were on the way down the hall and I said “So… did you do anything cool today?” You rolled your eyes a bit and said “Well, sure… let me get my backpack and we can break it down when we get in the car.”

I was almost afraid that years had passed me by and you were turning 14. But then you woke me up this morning with your sweet face next to mine and said “Mom, I think I peed in your bed a tiny, tiny bit.” And oddly… I was happy to have my baby back for a second.

Happy Birthday, goofy girl. You’re still my big, bright star. Every day shining brighter. Love you.
-Mom

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Happy Belated Birthday, Emily June

Posted on November 15, 2005 | 1 comment

November 15, 2005

Dear Emily,
Today I put this little poem in a frame for you and I am going to hang it in your room. I started this project when I was pregnant with you. I would sit in the chair in the living room after a long day at work, put my feet up and cross-stitch to keep me busy and keep me from worrying about when you would arrive. As your birthday got closer and closer I cross-stitched feverishly in an effort to get it finished before you were born. As it turned out I was not nearly done when you arrived. This turned out to be a blessing. When you were just about a month old I realized that I could nurse you and cross-stitch right over your tiny, perfect little head. My arm would rest against your itty-bitty little shoulders. We sat for hours while you nursed and slept across my lap.

Working on my project late in to the night, both before you were born and after, I would picture myself as a mom, a real mom. In doing this I couldn’t help but think about my mom, your grandmother. When I was little she was always hard at work on a million projects, never just sat down and relaxed. Even when she sat down she was knitting, quilting, sewing something for one of the kids or for our home. Not until I found myself doing the same thing for you did I really understand.

Loving you is all consuming. I can’t just sit and relax even when you are fast asleep. I want to keep my love for you in action. I could never demonstrate the depth of my emotion for you, never put in to words the way you touch me. Through these projects, the cross-stitch, and the new bed skirt, the Halloween costumes and the fancy party dress I will someday make you will know that even when my day is done I kept my hands at work, loving you every moment. Sweetheart, this is the just first time you have filled my heart with love not just for you but for my mom, too. She taught me how to be a mother and we both owe her a big thank you.

Today I finished my first project for you, Emily. No coincidence, today is your grandmother’s birthday. When we look at this little poem hanging in your room I hope it reminds us both of a few things. For you I hope it reminds you to reach for the stars and dream big, little girl. It’s a big world out there and I will be here to help you. Just like the stars in the sky I will always keep one eye open, watching you grow up, sometimes from a distance that pains me now to imagine. For me this poem hanging on your wall will remind me of my mom. She taught me everything I need to know to be your mother. I just didn’t realize it until you were here in my arms.

I love you, baby. You are my big bright star.
Love, Mom

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