Holidaze

It started last Sunday at church. We had a cookie and a glass of wine as part of the Winter Solstice ceremony. The cookie was a gingerbread person. But when you held it upside down it looked like an alien. I snapped a picture. But I didn’t come home and write up a post. Or put it up on my Facebook page. Or tweet it. I just took the picture and ate the cookie.

Christmas Eve I took a picture before we went to bed. I didn’t want to get busted by my big girl. I was careful. So, I didn’t do anything with it. I uploaded it to my picasa account quickly and deleted it from everything.

Christmas day was a blur of food and laughter and champagne and naps and turkey and stuffing and wine and coffee and cookies and family. My little family. We had a toast at breakfast. Only twelve months earlier we didn’t even know that Lucy would be a Lucy and now here we are, our family of four. We cheers’ed. We cried. Emily asked me if you could only have one toast. I said “Of course not” and we all chimed in with our thoughts. Our hearts were full.

It has been only four days since Christmas. The tree is down. I have put it all away. Christmas clutter on the 26th feels like the walk of shame, dark eyeliner in the morning or beer cans all over the kitchen at 10 am. It has to go. This moment seems like a lifetime ago already.

Sometimes I write everything down so I won’t forget.  But Christmas is too fast.  How can you capture all of those moments? Emily’s face when she saw the bell that Santa left her from his sleigh.  She believes, with her whole heart she believes.  Lucy has started making a crazy face, a kid face.  She ripped up paper and ate the tags on every new toy.  When the toy frenzy was over and every gift had been opened the only one that Mom remembered that she never wrapped (and still can not find) was a pair of gloves.  There is always one “Wait!  There’s a something!” or at least there was in my house,

This morning I decided I wasn’t getting dressed. Both kids woke up warm, low grade fevers and nasty coughs.  We napped. We ate leftovers.  We napped some more.  We watched Mrs Doubtfire and I cried when Robin Williams and Sally Field decided to separate and again when he walks back in the door at the end to pick up his kids.  I spent four hours on the floor in my living room while my kids crawled all over me.

Late this afternoon I showered. We went in to town for dinner.  Mexican food.  It feels like Christmas was ages ago.  It is January cold outside already.

What started last week with a picture I never posted has led to a week of radio silence for me.  I might be quiet here for a bit.  I have been more unplugged in the last week than I have been in the last year.  I have been present. In my home, my little family has made me laugh and cry and giggle.  We have eaten cookies and made big meals and loaded and unloaded our dishwasher.  We have been together.  Just the four of us.

Santa Claus gave me everything I have ever dreamed of for Christmas this year.  I hope he gave you the same.  2012 has forever changed me.  I have two more days to soak it up.  Catch y’all on the flip side.