Never Say Never

“Is there anything else you are concerned about?” the midwife asked me.

“Only that it seems like I am 20 weeks pregnant, so I am worried sick that  I have 14 babies in my stomach.”  I laughed.  And joked offhandedly that Dr. Google assures me that muscles have memory and that my stomach is just not fighting the pregnancy.  I leaned back on the table and she measured my uterus.  “measuring at just about twelve weeks, so I wouldn’t say that you are likely carrying multiples.  But never say never, right?”  She smiled.  And in an effort to include Emily she asked her “Do you listen to Justin Bieber?  My kids do, you know that is a Justin Bieber song, Never Say Never.”  She is chatting away as she folds the paper towel in to the top of my underwear and presses the “microphone” part of the fetal doppler monitor against the top of my pubic bone.

And I started to cry.  Thump thump thump thump at 150 beats per minute.  Neither Em nor MQD knew what they were hearing and they both looked at me with the “Is that… what I think it is …” face and my midwife stopped dead in her tracks.  “Oh no!!  You haven’t heard your babies heartbeat yet and here I am chatting about Justin Bieber!! I am so sorry! Let’s start over, get your phones out!”

And that is how I came to have a video of my filthy feet. Em had my phone and expertly started shooting video. MQD fumbled with his phone and eventually did find the audio note.   I had stopped nervously laughing by then.  But this moment… this is one I will never forget.