Halloween planning is in full tilt at our house. There are ghosts in our trees, creepy scarecrows on our porches and cobwebs with plastic spider rings in our bushes. There are bags of candy hidden in our closets. Pumpkins have been carved (and will hopefully survive the 85 degree afternoons we’ve been having between rainstorms.) This Halloween has me soaking up the “family-ness” of it all. Halloween is MQD’s favorite holiday, and it has long since been mine. Emily mentioned the other day that Halloween is her favorite day, too, and MQD was quick to point out that with the number of times a day that kid changes her clothes and/or dresses up, EVERY day is like Halloween to her.
Em has been under the weather off and on for more than week. So the other night when I was at the store and saw this fantastic Queen of Hearts costume I caved and bought it. It didn’t matter to me if she wanted it for Halloween or not, the gigantic hoop skirt had me so excited that I knew she’d love it. She has since settled on a plan. Tinkerbell for the day time at school, Queen of Hearts for the weekend trick or treating.
She’d previously been hoping that we’d all dress up as the Flintstones and was heartbroken when her buddy did not jump at the chance to be Bam-Bam. I got to thinking about the possibility of a group Alice in Wonderland costume and MQD was on board with either a Mad Hatter or a White Rabbit. The gears started churning and I started getting more and more excited. Already I can see in Em’s face the teenager she will some day be. And I know that the Halloweens she will want to dress up with me are numbered. It seems like it was only last year that she was a little lamb, and I was a Fairy God Mother.
So when I started looking online for an Alice dress I was prepared to spend a few bucks. I was excited. But what I wasn’t prepared for was my reaction to the available costumes. What if you were planning on Trick or Treating with your children? What if you weren’t planning on using Halloween as an excuse to dress like a tramp? Now this is certainly not a new observation. I have been laughing at the quiet girls that suddenly turn in to Sexy Firemen or Sexy Nurses or Sexy Chefs for years. And it wasn’t because I had a problem with it. I just had a problem with hiding behind the holiday, with not owning it. And now it seems I had a problem with the fact that costume manufacturers are under the assumption that everyone wants to look like a hooker on Halloween.
I think it is important to point out here that this opinion is coming from the girl who proudly left the top three buttons of her shirt open while she served drinks for YEARS because I had no shame in my game. I sold liquor. To men. Liquor and laughs and, yes, a few cheap boob peeks. I have zero problem with looking cheap. But you gotta own it. And if you own it, you might as well work it. And if you’re gonna work it, you might as well work it for cash. (The impact that selling T&A along with a side order of Miller Lite had on my self-esteem and emotional development is a story in and of itself but suffice it to say that I still don’t feel “pretty” all covered up. )
But Halloween isn’t about being “pretty.” And this Halloween isn’t even about me. It’s about being the Alice to my Queen. Ultimately I found a great costume. And it was supremely affordable compared to many of the other options out there. And it covered my ass. And did not require bloomers. Alice is not known for her cleavage and my rendition would be no exception. I anxiously awaited the arrival of the costume. I did cringe a little when I ordered it, an Extra Large. I do my best not to take it to heart, sizing is so relative. And costumes always tend to run small, I didn’t have time for my pride to get in the way of… well, of my tits. Which would most definitely not fit in a Large according to the costume measurement guidelines on the website. So I sucked it up, ordered the Extra Large and waited.
Last night it got here. I pulled it on and it buttons up! By all definitions it “fits.” Flattering on the other hand, it is not. I can use this dress next year to go as a Prison Matron, I think. But Em’s face. She looked delighted. So delighted in fact that I didn’t even cringe when I looked in the mirror. Was I successful in procuring a costume that is not unnecessarily sexy? Yes. Do I look like a linebacker? Yes. Will I be smiling while I portray the GIGANTIC post “Eat Me” Alice? You bet your ass.
Sidenote: The challenges will resume shortly. I am waiting on my slack ass buddies to catch up with me.