Ordering a bathing suit online is a ridiculous idea. But when the company that makes the running shorts that make me feel hot, not just athletic, had a sale – I took the bait.
It is the time of the year that I have the Great Bikini Debate. Last summer I tried to embrace the stretch marks. I gave it a solid effort. I even tried to tan those mofos. If I am 100% honest – the red bikini took a backseat to the trusty one piece the great majority of the time. And now here I am again, another year older, another year closer to the Year I Should Really Stop Wearing A Two Piece. (I am not sure when that is, exactly, but I am certain it exists.)
Standing in my bathroom in the new two piece I could acknowledge that this summer’s bikini body is slightly more toned than last year’s. I have run my ass off this year and it is starting to show. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Bend over. Sit down. Eh. It is what it is but it is unlikely that it is gonna get better than it is right now, right? The fit is ok. But the color?
Brown. The brown bikini was the only sale suit in my size. I just don’t know about brown.
I called to Emily. “Come here. What do you think?”
She just stood there with her hand on her tiny little hip. “Hmmm. That’s a tricky question. I’m trying to decide what you want me to say.” Damn kid.
“The truth,” I answer.
“Well, you have really big boobs and that top is really big like a lot of fabric but weirdly it makes your boobs look not as noticeable. And I think it’s ok that your stomach is like, well, you know like that because you had two babies and you’re a great mom and you look pretty.” She paused to take a breath. “Do you like it?”
I love her. I do. I should have been more clear, I suppose. “Do you like this color brown?” Sigh.
If the bikini makes its presence known this summer than the excitement will be two-fold. My stomach and the stretch marks there really get all the press. But it is high time that the wreckage on my hips and lower back get a little face time. The 2014 new ink highlights them nicely. Last summer’s motto seemed to be “if you can’t tone it, tan it.” This summer it is looking like I am embracing the “if you can’t tone it, tattoo it” philosophy. Someday perhaps I will get to that level of peace where I don’t even have this conversation with myself. Maybe next spring when I am trying on bathing suits for my 39th summer I will only ask myself the question that my sweet Emily June asked me – “Do I like it?” Maybe. Someday.
Excitement on the side 
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I love Emily’s answer! What a brilliant little girl! And is that your tattoo? Nice ink. What was the inspiration?
It is mine, thank you! I was covering up an ancient “tramp stamp” and when I started thinking about what to put in that spot I started brainstorming on lady-like things. I thought there was something kind of funny about putting a teapot there. I can also now do an awesome little dance when I sing “I’m a little Teapot” when I get to the “short and stout” part if I lean backwards it shortens the teapot. :)
ladies if all else fails in regards to a bikini just remember one thing… you will all look much better than me in a bikini #positives
HA
I see you with your awesome “I work out” back muscle divot. :)
It is way hard to find a bathing suit you can actually be active in that is not a speedo one-piece. I found a couple Patagonia ones last year that worked, though. I lost my mind and went to REI and tried on every non-string bikini in my size. Geez, some of us want to DO STUFF while wearing bathing suits.
Great tattoo! Can’t wait to get my next one when I finish nursing.
I’ve never worn a bikini. We’re going to Hawaii this year and I really want to but I’m very insecure about it. Isn’t that terrible? I think you should wear that bikini with pride and confidence! I love that tattoo! It is so beautiful and unique. Did you create that vision?
Wear it!!! Something about a bikini just feels so free, so much more body in the sunshine. With so many neat retro suits out now you can find one that doesn’t make you feel naked. As for my vision – I went to my artist with a simple request – I want a teapot and a teacup and maybe a vine connecting them? I just wnat to make sure that it doesn’t look like a teapot pouring on my buttcrack. The rest was all him!! He is a genius!!
I’m contemplating wearing a bikini for the *first*time*ever*ever* this summer. I will be 40 in August. I need to send a picture of myself wearing it to Em and have her tell me the truth. :D Dude, you and she could start a lucrative business!
By the way, I started working my ass off sometime in October and it was in large part due to your athlete posts over the last year. I think the 12″ bicep (right??) post is what has stuck with me most. I measured my bi the other day and thought of you. 12″. But there is still some fat up in there, so not sure if it counts. ;)
This is really awesome. It was after I had been busting my butt (and biceps!) for about a year that it started to feel like a part of my life and not a new thing I had started doing. And feel free to send me a pic, Em is a truth teller, like it or not! :)
Your Emily…I love it. You are obviously doing something right :)
I certainly hope so. Somedays it feels like I am. :)
Three things – kids are so smart, nice ink, and where did you buy the bathing suit? I am always on the lookout for something sporty/sexy. It’s hard to find something that is both. P.S. I’m sure you look killer whatever you wear.
Athleta! I love their suits. They really stay put. And thank you thank you, mama.
Thanks so much. I’ve been looking forever for a plain pair of boy short bottoms and a simple top. These are great!
personally i think stretch marks on woman are awesome. same as curves too! real women are not perfect and have imperfections which should be celebrated
You are a dear! I think more men feel this way than women which is ridiculous. Women are too damn hard on themselves. :/
Kelly I am a moose not a deer… :D
Em is freaking fantastic. Daughters are awesome.
The awesomest. I never imagined I’d have girls and now… well, of course, I can;t imagine it any other way.
Dude. The fact that you own a two piece and the fact that you bought another one makes you my hero. I desperately want to rock a bikini while giving zero fucks, but it ain’t gonna happen.
And by the way, you are ridiculously hot. Everyone at the pool is lucky to get to ogle you! And your tattoos!
How wise is your daughter? Holy cow! I’d take her bikini shopping any day. This past year I took my four kids to Target (cheap and easy…) and then texted pics of myself in the dressing room with all four kids and my bikinis to my husband for an opinion. He texted back that his assistant liked the pink polka dot. Guess that’s what I get…
Target polka dot suits… I am on the fence about ordering one of them, cute cute cute. ANd I am such a smart ass – I’d have had a snarky reply to that. ;)