It has been far too long since I have been really disgusting. I can’t have you all thinking that I am somehow growing out of my penchant for being gross.
Moments ago I got myself to laughing hard enough that I almost demonstrated a literal display of one of my favorite expressions. Allow me to set the scene.
Perfect morning. It was supposed to rain but it didn’t. 8 mile trail run with friends turned out to be 8.4 and I didn’t even mind. Came home and the kids were happy, the husband was cheerful. We have plans this evening and a babysitter (HOLYSHITWEHAVEABABYSITTER!) so I hopped in bed with Lucy and thought I might close my eyes while she slumbered.
She napped. I did not. I stealthily snuck out of the bed SIX times in the course of her hour long nap. She made it known she was not pleased with my intermittent absence upon her waking so I figured I’d just try and stay put. Instead of running back and forth from the bathroom I amused myself as she fell back to sleep by googling “diarrhea and running,” “diarrhea and distance running,” “running hydration diarrhea.” You get the idea.
And then my clumsy fingers slipped down and before I noticed I had mashed the “share to facebook” button. Because obviously the whole world needs to know that while my run was great my post-run intestinal situation left something to be desired. And then I started to laugh. And I couldn’t stop laughing. And then I started really laughing. And then I texted my husband this picture and said “When I poop in the bed it is Lucy’s fault.” Because when you are married you can do things like that. (Text stupid pictures, not shit the bed.)
Crisis averted. Lucy has awoken and I did not “shit the bed.” But this evening’s gathering? It just might be BYOTP for this girl. Because that is exactly what Dr Google says to do about runner’s diarrhea, by the way. Dr Google says to make a tasty appetizer, pound some Prosecco and go to a party. I added in the BYOTP. And maybe BYOCOP (which is, of course, change of pants.)
Sometimes spilling your down and dirty details on the internet is weird. And other times it can save you from having to say “Oh, hey, guys. I have raging diarrhea but I understand it is very common….” when you walk in to a party. Because at least one of my friends is bound to read this before I get there. I’m looking at you, JW and LA.
Happy Saturday! Bottoms up! And may no one shit the bed!