With all the excitement around moving and the house and Em’s new school I realized that I haven’t documented the “bump” all that well. In fact, I am not even sure where either camera is located at the moment. Iphone pic it will be.
This morning I extended my arm as far as I could and gave it my all. Determined to get a new picture of the bump.
I turned my phone back around to see the image and gasped. That was no bump.
Maybe some women might take this giganticness as a sign. Probably ought to get things in order at work. Maybe wrap my mind around the actual day to day of having a real live baby. Looks to me, in my totally unprofessional opinion, like I might have a baby in the next couple of months.
But not me. That’s not what I thought. “Holy shit. I need to get laid pronto. That window is closing rapidly. This is gonna get comical. Quickly.”
And where the not-pregnant massively body conscious Kelly might have started a downward spiral of insecurity, pregnant Kelly just started to laugh. I thought to myself, “Let’s hope MQD doesn’t try and pass me off to Leroy.”
I ain’t gonna bump no more with no big fat woman
Somebody take her, I don’t want her
She done hurt my hip, she done knocked me down…
Say, Leroy, you can have this one, dude
Lord, I ain’t gonna bump no more with no big fat woman…
Lucky for me I don’t think MQD has seen a single episode of Soul Train.