Have you ever been so sweaty and crying so hard that you were not entirely sure if it was sweat or tears that was all over your neck and getting on your sunburn and stinging? No. Well, isn’t that too bad.
I had a shit day today. For the first time in forever and ever a good sweat and a workout didn’t seem to cure what ails me. I spent two and a half hours on the bike trainer today (a special kind of hell that I actually quite like) because I am too disorganized to make a plan for a group ride and too skeered to ride on the road alone. I think I spent two hours and twenty nine of those minutes imagining every single thing that could go wrong during the bike portion of my upcoming 70.3. It wasn’t pretty.
And it was hot. And riding a bike in your backyard and not moving means you are a buffet for the skeeters. So when I set out to run I was beyond cranky.
About a mile in I thought “Fuck it. I will just go back home.” When you are considering turning around and bailing and you only have to run three miles – it is a bad, bad day. Bad. So, I started to cry. Naturally. I kept running. And crying. And feeling stupid and slow and defeated and tired.
And then I saw a piece of trash on the side of the road. It was a Little Caeasar’s advertisement for Crazy Bread. It was folded in half. All I could see were big block letters advertising “FREE CRAZY.”
I was running and sweating and crying and thinking about maybe peeing in my trisuit just to see if I hated the sensation and I saw a sign that said “FREE CRAZY,” guys. Umm. Nope. No, thanks. I have plenty of my own crazy.
So, I did the only thing I know how to do when I think I might totally lose my shit on a run. I started singing along with the crappy music I run to… “Oh, don’t you dare look back. Just keep your eyes on me. I said, “You’re holding back!” She said, “Shut up and dance with me!” This woman is my destiny!!!!”
It must be time to take a few days off, dude. I actually cried and serenaded myself today during a workout. This might have stopped being good for me, huh? Took a peek at the calendar and whaddayaknow? Taper starts this week. Right on time.
This was really I intense. Even reading it sounds cathartic, so I can’t imagine how you must have felt. I will say though, that if I had bikes for two and a half hours and run a mile, I wouldn’t have enough humanity left to know how to cry. I would have looked like an extra from The Walking Dead. So I am crazily impressed at the things you can do while your mind is somewhere else.
And I hope you found some way to centre. Great read!
I’m so sorry, Kelly! We may be psychically linked because this morning at about 10 AM I was walking the dog through my neighborhood wishing I would call you and offer to run those 3 miles with you. But I didn’t feel like going to church! Turned out my 11 AM client got canceled and the 3 miles I did with the club this morning just didn’t feel like enough. Please call me anytime you need a running buddy or someone to talk with you while you’re on the trainer.
You are definitely crazy.. CRAZY AWESOME! 70.3?! Zoiks!
And yesterday I was having such a bad, bad, baaaaad day that I put on my sneakers to run and then headed out the door huffing and snuffling and beginning to cry, jamming in my earbuds, heading down the driveway and then one kid on a bike started following me. Then another. Then someone started crying and yelling, “I’m coming! Where’s my helmet?!” Yup. My kids.
You can’t run away from crazy. Enjoy the taper!