Is it Wolf? Are you crying Wolf when you take your kid to the doctor and they miraculously feel better the moment you get there? I guess I cried “Possibly More Than a Chest Cold?”
Or maybe I didn’t cry at all. Maybe I only meekly said “Umm… tell me that my baby isn’t scary wheezing and cooking pneumonia in her lungs so that I can avoid a late night trip to the Emergency Room over the weekend?”
There are things I don’t really do – things like take my baby to the doctor because she has a cold. And things like go out in public without a shower, wearing pajamas and a poncho. A fucking poncho, y’all. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
As Lucy upchucked snot rockets for the eleventh night in a row my lack of sleep started messing with my head. Her wheezy breath at night started scaring me. Her little eyes in our dark bedroom, crying. This morning I caved. I called the pediatrician. ”Can you get here in fifteen minutes?”
Yep. Let me just put on a hat. And a poncho. Let me put on my Frazzled Mom That Has Not Slept in 11 Days costume so that when I show up and my hacking, coughing snot nosed baby appears to be in perfectly good health I will not look like a raving lunatic with Münchausen syndrome.
Clean lungs. No danger zone. Just a crabby baby with a nasty cold upchucking snot rockets in my bed. And I am grateful. I guess that is what motherhood is all about some days, gratitude for the strangest things.
If you need me, just look for the gal with the poncho on, the sweaty one because she has a humidifier running in every room of her house. I will be alternately squirting breastmilk up my kid’s nose and chasing her with The SnotSucker. I will be hard to miss.
Addendum: If there was a teeny part of me that felt like we were getting the short end of the health stick this holiday season I don’t need to look far to check myself. While I was at the doctor getting the clean lungs stamp of approval my dear friend Karen was heading back to the ER with one of her wee ones. Send her good juju, please. And if you are dying to hear more about bodily functions she is your gal.