Dear Duke’s Mayonnaise,
I love you so much.
Today I cleaned out my kitchen cabinets. I threw out a very gross open bottle of chocolate flavored red wine. I am donating a small bag of canned goods that I bought when I decided I was going to try and get over my disdain for kidney beans.
When I rearranged my stuff in the pantry I realized I had three unopened containers of Duke’s Mayonnaise. Because when I go down the condiment aisle and I see you there I always think it is better to be safe than sorry. What if there was an emergency that could only be fixed with egg salad? or a turkey sandwich? Or the delicious chicken recipe I actually got off of the Hellman’s website? Or what if I decide to make grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner? Did you know that mayo makes the best grilled cheese? Don’t butter your bread, use mayo. You will never go back to using butter.
You’re a damn fine mayonnaise, Duke’s. You really are smooth and creamy. Now, come to Mama.