Monthly Archives: October 2010

Day 48: You never get a second chance…

Posted on October 28, 2010 | Leave a comment

To make a first impression.  I’ve had Day 48′s challenge in my purse for a week.  And in this last week I realized that I very rarely speak with anyone that I don’t know, peripherally.  I live in a decent sized community and yet the checkers at the grocery store, I know them.  The lady at the bank,  yep, I know her.  I should have had someone fill it out the other day at Trader Joe’s, I don’t go in there regularly enough to know all the folks that work there.  But I was also hesitant to bug someone that was at work.  And I guess I just don’t cross paths with a lot of strangers.  Accosting someone and saying “Hey, what’s your first impression of me?” when all they know of you is that you’re bugging them and waving a piece of paper in their face seems kind of ridiculous.

Last night, for our anniversary, we played a dice game with our 13 year old neighbor.  Odd way to celebrate, I realize, but his mom was working late and he frequently hangs out at our house instead of staying home alone.  In an odd way it was the perfect way to look in to our future as parents.  Two kids in the house feels right.  Before we set to playing our game I asked Austin to fill out my Day 48 challenge. It brought tears to my eyes.  I don’t know if anyone has ever said a nicer thing about me.

I think she is very unique and creative and spontaneous and has a good personality and treats people with respect.

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Posted in This Book Will Change Your Life

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365 More Reasons

Posted on October 28, 2010 | 3 Comments

Last year on our first anniversary I wrote MQD a list of 365 reasons I loved him.  This year I did the same.  Much of what I write here is an effort to keep a record.  A record of the time passing.  There is so much of our lives we think we will never forget.  And then you turn around one day and you can’t remember.  Today.  Today, I want to remember.  They are sweet, precious days that someday will become ancient history.

 

365 More Reasons…. one more for every day….

for MQD, on October 27, 2010

  1. You asked me to marry you!
  2. You have me convinced I will be able to get pregnant even though I am a zillion years old.
  3. You’ve reminded me this past year that I have a thicker skin than I thought.
  4. You’ve also made it clear in this last year that you have a thinner skin than I’d imagined and taught me to mind my mouth.
  5. You shamed me in to not screwing with my phone while I drive.
  6. You continue to take your health very seriously.
  7. You make me feel like my own health is important.
  8. You still tuck Emily in every night that you’re home .
  9. Which is most.
  10. You’ve turned out to be a great room mate.
  11. You’re responsible.
  12. You like decorating for Halloween!
  13. You make Arrabiata every time I ask.
  14. You do the dishes even though I know you hate it.
  15. You’ve trained me to laugh at cat videos.
  16. You read in bed. And you leave the light on even when I am ready to go to bed.  But the “sexy man reading” still trumps my desire to go to sleep.
  17. You laugh at the things you read and don’t always share them.
  18. You’re ruining the little jam band fan I was raising.
  19. You are an amazing “Mike” to our little girl.
  20. You have an awesome mother.
  21. You have an awesome father.
  22. You have an awesome sister.  (This was worth three spots because they are truly that wonderful, and I feel so lucky to very soon consider them my family.)
  23. You are not a bed hog.
  24. You don’t leave towels on the floor or on the bed.
  25. You’re teaching me to “ask” you and not to “nag” you when I need something.
  26. When you watch terrible movies you admit they are terrible.
  27. You have so many wonderful books.  And you loan them to me.
  28. You write in cursive.
  29. You are intentional.
  30. You’re honest.
  31. You’re a good friend to me, and to your friends.
  32. Speaking of them, you have fantastic friends, both old and new.
  33. I can say this now after two years!  You look GREAT in a suit.
  34. You have a great laugh.
  35. You’ll dance at weddings.
  36. You almost always lock the doors at night.
  37. You take your personal hygiene very seriously.
  38. You tolerate my desire to walk on a specific side of you.
  39. You enjoy my family.
  40. My family enjoys having you around.
  41. You understand that my “family” is not limited to those to whom I am blood related.
  42. Ok.  I love Cat.
  43. You are a sharp dresser.
  44. You like to play games around the table.
  45. You have a zero tolerance for cheating policy.  :)
  46. You’ve learned a lot about yourself this year.
  47. Much of it has been scary and hard to swallow.
  48. You are sharing more and more of those scary and hard to swallow moments with me.
  49. You’re not stereotypically “male” in most ways.
  50. You let me do the grilling.
  51. You act very grateful for the meals I prepare.  Even when they are less than stellar.
  52. You teach by example.
  53. You have good table manners.
  54. You went to dance lessons with me.
  55. You left with me when we decided it was ridiculous.
  56. You’re a great “date.”
  57. You make time for me.  For me to be your girl.
  58. When you reach across a table or a room or our bed to place your hand in mine, I never doubt that it was done with intent.
  59. You will likely notice if I repeat any of the “Reasons” from last year.
  60. You will likely dig out last year’s list and reread it some time in the next week.  But you won’t probably mention to me that you have.
  61. You are secretly so much more sentimental than I knew.
  62. You think about us as a “family.”  As your family.
  63. You like doing fun things with us all together.
  64. You don’t think of babysitting as babysitting when I go out.
  65. You got a big boy hair cut.
  66. You shave almost every Monday morning like clockwork.
  67. You almost always remember to come and give me a kiss right after you have shaved.
  68. You embraced my coffee cup of water to keep the sink from clogging plan.
  69. You remember to buy stuff at the store when we run out.
  70. You don’t make me feel stupid even though I never remember.
  71. The way you giggle at our silly “inside” jokes is my favorite sound.
  72. You are firm with Emily.
  73. She will know that she can count on you, much the way I know this.
  74. You talk to me about your job, and try to explain things.
  75. You value my opinion.
  76. You are an adorable wedding planner.
  77. You are generous.
  78. You make me unashamed.
  79. You don’t seem to be interested in regularly taking up a lot of space on the couch.
  80. You don’t seem to mind that I do.
  81. You give Emily chores. And help her to remember them.
  82. When you get up to get yourself a drink or when you make tea at night you always ask if I’d like some, too.
  83. You give me space.
  84. You take yours when you need it, unapologetically.
  85. You are committed to helping me understand the emotional roller coaster of being diabetic.
  86. You make delicious banana bread.
  87. You make crispy bacon for me.
  88. And floppy bacon for you and Emily.
  89. You ask me if your clothes match, and it’s cute.
  90. Most of the time they do.
  91. You understand why I nag you about whether or not you ate lunch.
  92. You are mindful of regular car maintenance.
  93. You really hear me and I can see the changes in us that result from our listening to each other.
  94. You kiss me, really kiss me.  Still.
  95. You take Em to school.
  96. You know how much she loves you even when she fails to tell you.
  97. You get misty eyed when we talk about the future, about our future.
  98. You’re writing wedding vows.
  99. Six months in advance.
  100. You finally went and had your nipple ring checked out.  And I am glad it is finally healing so I can hug you again.
  101. You read my silly blog.
  102. You apologize when you hurt my feelings.
  103. You understand very little of my life is “private.”
  104. But you don’t mistake this lack of privacy for a lack of sincerity or intimacy.
  105. You are very carefully helping me to not pass along my insecurities to Emily.
  106. You begrudgingly give me extra room in the closet.
  107. You write nice things in cards.
  108. I like the way you make an X over the I in your name.
  109. You make Em open the cards first when she opens a present.
  110. You love Sue Sylvester.
  111. You help me enforce the not too much TV rule in our house.
  112. You’re a good role model for kids like Austin.  I like that.
  113. You remind me to take an umbrella.
  114. You’re a gentleman like that.
  115. You wax nostalgic about your “twenties” in a cute way even though you’re still in the thick of them.
  116. You make up funny parts when you read Emily a story.
  117. You have a good sense of direction.
  118. You like nice things.
  119. You still “court” me even though you’ve got me for good.
  120. You apologize when you raise your voice.
  121. You find the most absurd things funny.
  122. You don’t take yourself too seriously.
  123. You never make me feel like I’m not the most beautiful girl in your world,   even though you never really say that.
  124. You check in on me, but it never feels like you’re checking up on me.
  125. You write me funny all caps instant messages that make me smile.
  126. You call me on my office line and it makes me blush.
  127. You read metal blogs.
  128. You could probably write a metal blog.
  129. You almost always buy a t-shirt when you go to a show.
  130. You stay up late talking to my mom.
  131. You know in your heart of hearts I love your owl talons.
  132. You are not bashful.
  133. You know who Mary Tyler Moore is.  And I don’t care if it is only because she is in your tribe.
  134. You always check the mail.
  135. You like scary movies.
  136. You agreed to go somewhere warm on our honey moon.
  137. You take your own hobbies and interests seriously and don’t mind shelling out the cash to enjoy them.
  138. You have a lot of beauty products.
  139. You have exceptional eye sight.
  140. You make a face when you say “Tinkerbell” that slays me.
  141. You’re good at sticking to a budget.
  142. You read Unconditional Parenting.
  143. And you let it really touch you.
  144. You love to scare the shit out of Emily.
  145. You will endlessly debate things.
  146. You’ll drop it when I am finished.
  147. You almost always come out to see if we need help carrying anything.
  148. You conquered your fear of flying.  With a little help.
  149. You hug me at the airport, or the train station, even when it hasn’t been but a few days.
  150. You un-facebook from time to time.
  151. You’ve brought a lot of levity to some heavy days.
  152. You let me cry about my divorce.
  153. You still let me cry from time to time.
  154. You know how much I love you.
  155. You have pretty eyes.
  156. You’re daring.
  157. You are forgiving.
  158. And yet you are relentless.
  159. You have no patience for my typos.
  160. You LOVE meat.
  161. You introduced me to the term meat sweats.
  162. You don’t litter.
  163. But you like to pretend you’re going to to see my horrified face.
  164. You challenge me.
  165. You give me the phone when you’re on the phone with your family.
  166. Oh!  Your grandmother, she is her very own reason that I love you!
  167. You carry my shit in your purse when I don’t take one.
  168. You are protective of your girls.
  169. You have a wonderful home town.
  170. You look so happy the first time each fall that you can wear a stocking cap.
  171. You’re a good shopper.
  172. You try things on in the store.
  173. Your wedding proposal was so sweet….
  174. You took the time to write down the details of the evening of our engagement when I asked you to.
  175. When you wake up in the morning you pop out of bed sometimes without kissing me.  But you always come back after your shower and say good morning
  176. You turn the shower off and not just the water,  finally.
  177. You’ve given me both the strength and the confidence to stand up to you.
  178. You probably recognize that #177 sure could bite you in the ass.
  179. You heard me on October 15th when we talked on the porch.  And you know that I will do everything I can to make us work.  Including face the things that scare me.
  180. You stand on the porch frequently when Emily and I leave the house, and you wave at us.
  181. You make me feel like part of you will be missing until we return.
  182. You let me decorate.
  183. But you have an opinion.
  184. You never throw my Snoopy on the floor.
  185. Or disrespect my Pillow Dog.
  186. You agreed to let me match up your socks.  Because the willy nilly throw them all in there approach was going to make me insane.  Even though they are not my socks, Or even in my drawer.  Just knowing they were in there.  Wild and loose.
  187. You are very conscious of not having tons of leftovers that we throw out.
  188. And to that end you will eat meatloaf many, many days in a row.
  189. You can drink a case of diet coke in about six hours.
  190. You like Morphine now.  And give me props every time we listen to them.
  191. I enjoy the Hour of Slack.  And I can not believe this.
  192. You are a stickler for DOING not TALKING about things.
  193. You tolerate my interest in football even though you don’t give a shit.
  194. You have our wedding date on your calendar as Big Day.
  195. You know that getting married won’t really change anything.
  196. You know that being “husband and wife” by title will feel good, though.
  197. You agreed to watch Dexter from the beginning even though you have seen the first three seasons.
  198. You’d flip if I gave a shitty kid’s movie 5 stars on your Netflix.  (I wouldn’t dare.)
  199. You don’t roll your eyes when I talk about my boob food girls like they are my in-real life friends.
  200. You encourage me to get to the gym by making sure I have the time to go, but don’t make me feel like you think less of me when I don’t.
  201. You laugh at me when I am ridiculous.
  202. Sweet Ass Parking Spot Day.
  203. You tell me when I have bad breath.
  204. You carry Emily when my back hurts.
  205. You remind me not to because of my back.
  206. You appreciate when the sky looks pretty.  And you’ll stop to look.
  207. You get choked up when you talk about how much you love us.
  208. You want a dog some day.
  209. You can laugh when I pick on you.  Most of the time.
  210. You let me know when it is not one of those times.
  211. You put up with me.
  212. You make Date Night feel special.  Just by the way you look at me.
  213. You will make an amazing Husband.
  214. You will make me feel like a Wife.  A real Wife.
  215. The vest.  I think you will retire the vest some day.
  216. When you like something you buy it in every color.
  217. You play by childhood rules.  First one to turn the radio on picks the music.  First one on the couch, remote in hand, picks the show.  I’m not sure you know you do this.  But you do.
  218. I like it.  It makes things predictable.
  219. You’re mindful of the A/C.  But not stingy with its use.
  220. You make a funny face when we are in the car and you’re driving and you bring something up and then you nod… as if to say “So, look it up and tell me what you find.”
  221. You are frequently exasperated with me.
  222. You still make me giddy when you call.
  223. You are creative.
  224. You let Em and Kellan play with your bass.
  225. You delight in showing Em how things work.
  226. You always forget to put the lettuce in the fridge.  And for some reason it makes me smile when I see the salad spinner on the counter after you clean up the kitchen.
  227. You keep me in check.
  228. You make me  a better mother.
  229. You never forget things.  Not important things.
  230. And #229 is so true that I am easily convinced I failed to tell you something when you do forget things.
  231. I think you will be a very engaged school parent.
  232. You carve a mean pumpkin.
  233. You ask me to do things for you that are easy, I think because you know it gives me pleasure.
  234. You notice the small things.
  235. You will make a Google document about anything.
  236. You’re excited for our wedding.
  237. You understood all the reasons it made me feel weird to talk about it before we were engaged.
  238. You wanted to ask my Father in person.
  239. You DID ask my father, the first chance that you got.
  240. You love garlic.
  241. You don’t mind hanging out in the kitchen with me while I cook.
  242. You shred your junk mail.
  243. You like your little horror movie & monster figurines.
  244. But you let the kids play with them.
  245. You humor me.  And my idiosyncrasies.
  246. Your underpants…. someday.  Someday you won’t make me giggle.  And that will be a sad day.
  247. You smell the milk for me when I think it’s bad.
  248. You don’t mind watching Chitty Chitty Bang Bang every weekend.
  249. You shine your shoes regularly.
  250. You make fun of our age gap often enough to make me feel like it really doesn’t bother you.
  251. But not so often that it bothers me.
  252. You like waking up early in the morning.
  253. You’re not afraid of babies.
  254. You are genuinely thrilled to see that Gia is happy to see you.
  255. You’re open to examining why you feel the way you do about things.
  256. You bought me This Book Will Change Your Life. And you don’t think it is silly.
  257. You don’t let me dwell on things.
  258. You love Tosh.0.
  259. You tolerate my crap TV.  And I am SURE this is a repeat from last year, but you STILL tolerate my crap TV.
  260. You took a leap of faith with me.
  261. You examine your own religious inklings. Often.
  262. Without you I’d never know the joy that is TISM.
  263. You never delete shit on the TiVo.  Or at least I think you don’t.
  264. Sometimes you offer to take us out for dinner “my treat” and the way you say it melts me.
  265. When I look out the window and I see your car pulling in my heart skips a beat.
  266. You miss me when you go out of town.
  267. You are teaching me not to yell.
  268. You finally started drinking bottled beer.
  269. You “invented” peanut butter on waffles.
  270. You love full fat cheese sticks.
  271. You take your crap out of your pockets before you throw it in the laundry.
  272. For the most part you throw your clothes in the laundry.
  273. You are open to shopping for an alternative footwear to your grey sneakers.
  274. You wore your flip flops a lot this summer.
  275. You think we don’t “need” cable TV.
  276. You got ADT installed.
  277. You make the best “WTF is wrong with you” face.  Often.
  278. You actually say ROFLCOPTER.
  279. You’re savvy.
  280. You got Em a pink car seat. For your car.
  281. You try not to screw around with your phone while we are talking.
  282. You never seem to lose me when we are out in public.  Which is great.  Because I seem to lose you, me AND Emily.
  283. I think you really will start going to the UU Church with me.
  284. You know when something is just not a good fit for you.
  285. You came back to me.  Because I am.
  286. You hold me tight when you know it is time.
  287. You say “Shhh shhh, c’mere” when I need you to just Be.  To Be there.
  288. You have some good ideas about wedding music.
  289. You didn’t make me feel like I pressured you to get married.  Even though you could have.
  290. You read at the pool.  At the table.
  291. You remember to pack snacks.
  292. You drive even when you don’t want to.
  293. You planned on going to that Bridal Shower.  And it was a fun afternoon.
  294. You like Big Plans.
  295. You surprise me.
  296. You’re a good speller.
  297. You will probably see the connection between #295 and #296.
  298. You will stick to a meal plan if I make one.
  299. You are an excellent Grocery Shopper.
  300. You are careful.
  301. You said “we should get a booster seat” last night and you weren’t kidding.
  302. You’re a lightweight these days.
  303. You talked me in to putting a password on my phone.
  304. You call me when I can’t find my phone.
  305. If you roll your eyes you at least do it behind my back.
  306. You cut me a lot of slack.
  307. You are vain.
  308. You volunteered to take on parental roles.  And have executed them all with grace.
  309. You always introduce me, never leave me feeling awkward.
  310. You call Em “my daughter.”
  311. You draw funny pictures.
  312. You keep cryptic notes to yourself.
  313. You trust me not to invade your privacy.
  314. And I trust you to do the same.
  315. You are handsome.
  316. YOU WEAR JEANS!  ( Oh man, I almost left this one out…)
  317. I think you will become a jogger this year.  And that makes me proud of you.
  318. You push the stroller.
  319. You helped me in the garden.
  320. You look cute when you sleep on the couch.
  321. You can fall asleep with your shoes on.
  322. On the bed.
  323. You make me feel like everything is gonna be just fine.
  324. You fall asleep in mere moments.
  325. You always have cash for the tolls.
  326. You are my best friend.
  327. You get excited when we cross a state line.  No matter how long we’ve been in the car.
  328. You never forget to bring the fruit to school.
  329. I trust you with my most precious thing in your car.  Daily.
  330. You’re really good about staying on track with the timeline for our day.
  331. You are down with having a Prom Party some day at our house.
  332. You don’t mind that I let the neighborhood kids wreak havoc on our schedule some times.
  333. You are super funny when you get on the trampoline.
  334. You can’t find things in the fridge.
  335. You have a big heart.
  336. You wanted to call some kind of animal helper/veterinarian/control person over a turtle.
  337. You’ve exposed Em to Ren & Stimpy.
  338. You’re careful not to expose Em to too much else.
  339. You make the grossest sound when you have something in your teeth.  But it’s endearing.
  340. You love your tan sweatshirt.  Like, LOVE it.
  341. You will play “Which thing would you buy,” my all time favorite catalogue game.
  342. And the things you want are so damn funny.
  343. You love The Spinners.
  344. You really value mouthwash as its own step in the teeth routine.  Not as a substitute for brushing.
  345. You will not entertain my “what ifs.”  Sometimes this makes me insane.  But most of the time it saves me a tremendous amount of worry.
  346. You were behind me getting my IUD removed 100%.  Well not actually behind me,  That would have been awkward.
  347. You try not to let my seven hundred and thirty day long game of Grab Ass bother you.
  348. You bring the trash cans back.
  349. You can’t fold laundry to save your life  But you try.
  350. Your ability and desire to articulate your feelings has grown exponentially.
  351. You forgive yourself. I have learned a lot from you about this.  And I admire this.
  352. You forgive me, too.
  353. You don’t mock me.  Even though I know you have countless opportunity.
  354. You share your “man room.”  With the kids of all people.
  355. You have watched with anticipation our cats becoming friends.  And you comment upon it like it is international news.
  356. You’re scared sometimes.
  357. When I speak about the possibility of “us” not making it, you noticeably cringe.  And you finally said “I don’t like it when you say that.”
  358. You’re interesting.
  359. You don’t like talking on the phone but when I am driving a long distance at night you’ll chit chat with me.
  360. You have given me a Life Do-Over.
  361. You know that this year’s list made me cry even more than last years.
  362. You are mine.
  363. You are your own person at the same time.
  364. You are my “happily ever after.”
  365. You will understand that even though this year’s list might have some repeats, and it is definitely more focused on you and me and Emily than just you and me…. that I still love you, madly.  For every reason I listed last year.  And all of those above.  And a thousand more. Happy Second Anniversary, baby.

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Posted in Family

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Same time next year?

Posted on October 27, 2010 | 3 Comments

Two years ago today a boy  took me out on a blind date.  Last weekend the man in this picture took us shopping for goodies to decorate our house with for Halloween.

I love you, sweetheart.  Happy Anniversary.

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Posted in Family, Wedding Planning

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Costume A-ha Moment…

Posted on October 26, 2010 | 6 Comments

Halloween planning is in full tilt at our house.   There are ghosts in our trees,  creepy scarecrows on our porches and cobwebs with plastic spider rings in our bushes.  There are bags of candy hidden in our closets. Pumpkins have been carved (and will hopefully survive the 85 degree afternoons we’ve been having between rainstorms.)  This Halloween has me soaking up the “family-ness” of it all.  Halloween is MQD’s favorite holiday, and it has long since been mine.  Emily mentioned the other day that Halloween is her favorite day, too, and MQD was quick to point out that with the  number of times a day that kid changes her clothes and/or dresses up, EVERY day is like Halloween to her.  

Em has been under the weather off and on for more than  week.  So the other night when I was at the store and saw this fantastic Queen of Hearts costume I caved and bought it.  It didn’t matter to me if she wanted it for Halloween or not, the gigantic hoop skirt had me so excited that I knew she’d love it.  She has since settled on a plan.  Tinkerbell for the day time at school, Queen of Hearts for the weekend trick or treating.

She’d previously been hoping that we’d all dress up as the Flintstones and was heartbroken when her buddy did not jump at the chance to be Bam-Bam.  I got to thinking about the possibility of a group Alice in Wonderland costume and MQD was on board with either a Mad Hatter or a White Rabbit.  The gears started churning and I started getting more and more excited.  Already I can see in Em’s face the teenager she will some day be.  And I know that the Halloweens she will want to dress up with me are numbered.  It seems like it was only last year that she was a little lamb, and I was a Fairy God Mother.

So when I started looking online for an Alice dress I was prepared to spend a few bucks.  I was excited.  But what I wasn’t prepared for was my reaction to the available costumes.  What if you were planning on Trick or Treating with your children?  What if you weren’t  planning  on using Halloween as an excuse to dress like a tramp?  Now this is certainly not a new observation.  I have been laughing at the quiet girls that suddenly turn in to Sexy Firemen or Sexy Nurses or Sexy Chefs for years.  And it wasn’t because I had a problem with it.  I just had a problem with hiding behind the holiday, with not owning it.  And now it seems I had a problem with the fact that costume manufacturers are under the assumption that everyone wants to look like a hooker on  Halloween.

I think it is important to point out here that this opinion is coming from the girl who proudly left the top three buttons of her shirt open while she served drinks for YEARS  because I had no shame in my game.  I sold liquor.  To men.  Liquor and laughs and, yes, a few cheap boob peeks.     I have zero problem with looking cheap.  But you gotta own it.  And if you own it, you might as well work it. And if you’re gonna work it, you might as well work it for cash.  (The impact that selling T&A along with a side order of Miller Lite had on my self-esteem and emotional development is a story in and of itself but suffice it to say that I still  don’t feel “pretty” all covered up. )

But Halloween isn’t about being “pretty.”  And this Halloween isn’t even about me.  It’s about being the Alice to my Queen.  Ultimately I found a great costume.  And it was supremely affordable compared to many of the other options out there.  And it covered my ass.  And did not require bloomers.  Alice is not known for her cleavage and my rendition would be no exception.  I anxiously awaited the arrival of the costume.  I did cringe a little when I ordered it, an Extra Large.  I do my best not to take it to heart, sizing is so relative.  And costumes always tend to run small, I didn’t have time for my pride to get in the way of… well, of my tits.  Which would most definitely not fit in a Large according to the  costume measurement guidelines on the website.  So I sucked it up, ordered the Extra Large and waited.

Last night it got here.  I pulled it on and it buttons up!  By all definitions it “fits.”  Flattering on the other hand, it is not. I can use this dress next year to go as a Prison Matron, I think.  But Em’s face.   She looked delighted.  So delighted in fact that I didn’t even cringe when I looked in the mirror.  Was I successful in procuring a costume that is not unnecessarily sexy?  Yes.  Do I look like a linebacker?  Yes.    Will I be smiling while I portray the GIGANTIC post “Eat Me” Alice?  You bet your ass.

 

Sidenote:  The challenges will resume shortly.  I am waiting on my slack ass buddies to catch up with me.

 

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The Poop Game

Posted on October 21, 2010 | Leave a comment

Today is picture day at school.  Last night Em and I were practicing her “Picture Day” smile.  She has a smile that she only does when she thinks someone is about to take her picture.  It is a smile best described by the terms smarmy and shit-eating.  In an effort to produce a picture from school that will be loved by all and not simply her grandparents I thought we’d try to come up with a system for inducing a “real smile.”

Last night after dinner we all read the entire Hammacher Schlemmer catalog.  The kind of catalog reading where you go through page by page and you all take turns  picking out what you’d buy on each page.  Somewhere along the way Em decided she’d choose an item she wanted and an item she needed.  From this I learned she has no idea what the difference is between want and need.   I also learned that MQD is apparently freezing.  If it heats up he wants it.  Heated Gloves, heated socks, heated vest, electric blanket … you name it, heat it up and MQD will pick that item. This makes me so happy.  It is important to me to try to pick out gifts for my loved ones that they’ll really appreciate.  And I am so happy to know that as we drift on towards our golden years together I will always be able to find a Christmas present in the “I have no idea what else to get you” pre-wrapped section in the front of the department store.

It was a nice evening.  I like those nights where we all sit at the table after a meal and we “chit-chat,” as Em calls it.  It makes me feel like we are doing something right.  Like we are building a family that enjoys spending time together.  So it was in this vein of feeling all “aren’t we a damn fine family” that I started the conversation with Emily about her “Picture Day” smile. Sometimes in the middle of “parenting” I accidentally forget that she will repeat everything I say. And when I said “So when the photographer says “Cheese” what face are you gonna make?  Really?  That face?  Ok, how about this when they say “Cheese” I want you to think POOP!”

And this is where it gets hairy.  I can’t exactly remember if I said “think POOP” or “yell POOP.”  I know when we were doing it last night and trying to make a serious face while the other person yelled “POOP,” taking turns cracking each other up, we were definitely not just thinking it in our heads.   And this morning when she said about four minutes after waking up “Mom, let’s play the POOP game” she did not indicate that she was going to merely “think” the word.  So, yeah… “Picture Day” might be a real gas.

For the record, that’s my kid in the class photo.  The one that yelled “POOP” after the photographer said “Cheese.”  And yup, that’s the reason every single kid in that picture is smiling.

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Day 48 & the funk

Posted on October 19, 2010 | Leave a comment

Day 48 requires me to get out and mingle.  The “funk” has had Em and I under the weather for going on 72 hours.  So… as soon as I can get out in the world I will be back with a vengeance.  And I will OWN Day 48.

In the meantime, I am horribly busy clearing out my DVR of all pre-recorded kid’s shows and crappy reality TV. What?  It’s good for me.

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Upside down

Posted on October 15, 2010 | 4 Comments

The shittiest part about being  a person that is capable of feeling great joy, about being a person that “loves right NOW” is that I am also so capable of feeling quite the opposite.

I woke up today feeling about an inch tall.  Like somehow I managed to undo every bit of hard work and goodness I’ve been wrangling in to my corner all week.  I’ve much to look forward to this weekend.  But even that is no match for waking up with that feeling like you wish you were anyone but you.   I tried to finagle a hug out of the little lady but she wasn’t interested this morning.  I contemplated calling in to work and just staying in bed all day but that would have contributed to my feelings of worthlessness.  My mom used to call them mental health days.  She said that everyone had days where they felt like “Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I’ll go eat worms.”  I’m thinking worms won’t cut it.  Peanut M&Ms are my go-to “I feel like I need a pick me up” food.  But I didn’t buy them this morning.  Because it might have improved my foul mood.

And I wore a shirt I fucking hate today.  And every time I look down I think why the fuck do I even own this shirt, much less put it on my body.  I feel like my skin is on inside out and every thing I brush up against hurts.  I’m giving myself until 10 am to wallow and then I’m considering the wearing of this god awful shirt punishment enough.

Some days you reach for the stars, you want to change the world and be the best self you can be.  Other days you just wanna “stay alive.”  In the middle of my pity party I accidentally got a good laugh.  I uploaded a video of Emily rockin’ out to this ridiculous metal Bee Gees cover band.  Once I’d formulated the second sentence in this paragraph it seemed fitting.  And I couldn’t remember the name of the band.  Tragedy.  Of fucking course.  Way to mock my bad mood fucking disco metal cover band.

Oh man, you’re a hot mess when you can’t even wallow in your bad mood without fucking up.  Without further ado… my lady… She’s Stayin’ Alive.  I suppose I will, too….

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Day 47: Countin’ sheep, thunder bolts & days…

Posted on October 14, 2010 | Leave a comment

Day 47: Count Sheep….

I can remember occasionally trying to count sheep when I was a kid.  For a short period of time when I was maybe ten years old I used to worry a lot about what it meant if we were really in a war with Libya.  So I started listening to my pink clock radio as I fell asleep.  But the trouble with listening to the radio while I fell asleep was two-fold.  The “sleep” function on either a radio or a television has the reverse effect on me.  I take it as a dare to try to stay awake until it goes off.  And then I started imagining that inside my radio was an entire universe.  That universe generated sounds and thoughts and “radio waves.”  I had a poster in my room when I was really little that had the alphabet on it.  So, I memorized the alphabet backwards.  That didn’t help me sleep, either.   So, I’d just let my mind wander and I’d imagine what it would be like to be married to Tom Selleck.  (Shut up, it was 1983.) Somewhere amidst all of these “fall asleep” techniques I am sure I counted sheep.  But it didn’t leave much of an impression.  So last night when I decided to give it a shot I felt like it was the very first time.

MQD and I both read before going to sleep last night.  It’s one of my favorite times of the day.  When we are both in bed, reading our own books, barely touching, but aware of the sound of the other’s pages turning, the smile that crosses my face when I hear him chuckle at something he’s read, the wondering if he can see the tear roll my down my face (confession:  I am a recently converted voracious reader of terrible chick lit, this will pass, so help me) all of these things add up to make this one of my very favorite moments.    I suspect this is in no small part due to the fact that it “feels” like something good.  Like the way a perfect marriage should feel.  Like something I’d have imagined doing with Tom Selleck.  (See, how I said that before you could?)

There’s something about those moments that feel just like what you imagined it would be like that is so satisfying.   I have been dwelling a bit on the “what is “it” supposed to feel/look like?  The “it” being our marriage.  I am confident in our ability to communicate.  And I earnestly believe if you’ve got that you’re most of the way there.  I am confident that when I make some smart ass remark at the television and MQD looks at me and says “I love you” he really does.  And that kind of love is the kind that carries you through, the kind that really means you like that person more than you like anyone else, that they are your favorite.  So I am not even really sure why I am so anxious lately. But I am trying not to dig too deep and just let myself feel it.  After all, nothing reminds you that even the most well laid plans can go awry like calling your ex-husband so your daughter can say goodnight, a task I complete five nights out of seven.  So it is no wonder I have a little bit of worry that I am making the right decisions.  I think a certain amount of worry is to be expected.  And yet all in all I feel more sure of this being “right” than anything.   I am not afraid to admit it out loud that I really, really want him, us, our marriage.  I don’t often admit to myself or to anyone that I want anything.  Because if you don’t have goals you don’t fail.

So, I needed last night.  One of those nights where you turn off your light and you think, ahhh…. this is it.  I’ve got this.  With little nagging at the corners of my mind I said “Good night” tucked my Snoopy under my chin (Tom Selleck was a phase, Snoopy was not) and started counting.  I really tried to picture each one, real sheep, not cartoon sheep, jumping over a fence.  I got to about twenty and remembered I’d not set my alarm clock.  Began again.  Somewhere around seventeen my mind started wandering and I realized I could feel my pulse in my lower back and I was actually counting my heart beats.  I rolled over and started again.  Put my hand on MQD’s chest. He was already asleep.  His ability to fall asleep in a moment is a trait I both admire and abhor.  Nothing like tossing and turning while your bed mate soundly slumbers to make you feel like a bratty child, desperate to wake up everyone else in the house, too, dammit.     I let the sheep jump in rhythm with MQD’s breath and I counted.  I don’t recall getting to thirty.

I woke to the sounds of thunder and rain around four this morning.  I could see the lightning through the bedroom curtains and I counted the moments between lightning and thunder-clap as I decided whether I’d try to get back to sleep or not.  I was still awake when MQD got up at five.  And still awake when my little lady hopped in bed around 5:30.  And still awake when I felt her chest begin to rise and fall more slowly as she fell back to sleep.  And still awake when MQD left for work so very early this morning.

But I was rested.  I’d counted sheep.  And calculated the thunderstorm’s distance.  And just now I counted the days.  198.  A hundred and ninety-eight days until we make a wonderful decision.  Until we have a party to celebrate a decision we made long ago…

It’s still raining.  Office door open.  Ella Fitzgerald on the radio.  I love today.

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Day 46: Birthday Day!

Posted on October 13, 2010 | 5 Comments

Today’s challenge is indicative of the fact that this  book was originally printed in 2003.  It asks you to write down the birth dates of your friends and loved ones, in an effort to not forget them in coming years.

It’s nearly impossible to forget someone’s birthday since Facebook.  And in a lot of ways it really bothers me that remembering someone’ s birthday isn’t really very meaningful anymore.  I will cop to being a frequent facebooker.  It’s probably the equal parts voyeur and exhibitionist in me.  But I do try not to “Happy Birthday” everyone that appears on the upper right hand side of my screen daily.  Particularly if the recipient is someone whose birthday I never knew.  Maybe this isn’t really meaningful, either, but I highly doubt anyone is sitting around wondering why I didn’t tell them Happy Birthday amidst their 300 messages.

My inability to remember birthdays isn’t an indication of a general state of forgetfulness.  I am just bad about birthdays for some reason. Case in point, I just checked Facebook.  Today is the birthday of a guy with whom I attended middle school.  I did not know today was his birthday.  We shall call him Drew, since that his name.  I know that Drew’s phone number was 250-2435 before you needed to dial a prefix in Northern Virginia.  I know that Drew made me cry when I was 12 and that I (cringe) purchased Chicago’s “Look Away” cassette tape single for him as a  Christmas present but thought better than to give it to him.  Evidently, my heartbreak had healed in the time it took to get a ride home from the mall.  All of this to say, I am not a forgetful person.  I just have a mental block against birthdays.

So I have started entering birthdays in to the calendar on my phone. I’m not sure why I feel better about being reminded via one digital source than another.  But I do.  And I have PLANS.  Big Plans!  I am planning on setting up a 2011 file with cards and envelopes.  And addresses.  And maybe even addressing envelopes for 2011 and having myself all set up.  To send real, live, delivered to your postal mailbox birthday greetings.  Because there is forethought and intent in sending a real, live letter.

I wish I could send pink sparkly shoes to everyone of my birthday friends.  Alas, we are not all so lucky.

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Almost hilarious…

Posted on October 12, 2010 | Leave a comment

There are moments in my life that are almost hilarious.  And this morning was one of them.  Steve Burns from Blue’s Clues has a word for his kind of almost famous, fam-ish.  So, I guess this morning was hilari-ish.  These “almost hilarious” or hilari-ish moments often include a scenario that is not particularly amusing to anyone else there, but inside my head, with a  few small changes to the players and the scene… ahh, how hilarity would ensue.

On my way in to the office this morning a co-worker called me.  He has a cryptic way of asking me questions pretty regularly, so I am wary with my answers.  I never know if I am being conned in to lending a helping hand and this morning was a perfect example.  “Are you coming to work today by any chance?” Don’t I always? “Well, where exactly are you?”  And I’m thinking, umm… I’m four minutes from the office and running about twenty-one minutes ahead of schedule.  I’m kind of a fanatic about being on time.  I rounded the corner before the second to last turn on my way to my office and I saw his truck.  Ahhh… it was all clear to me now.  He was out of gas.  About fifteen feet on the other side of a tiny little bridge.   There was very little space for him to pull over and traffic was piling up behind him.  I waved and kept on towards the office where I could pick up a gas can and return and save the day.

It turned out I was lucky!  There was a can at the office with several gallons of gas so I was able to snag it and head right back to where his car was parked.  By the time I got back there I could  see the blue lights flashing. One of Carrboro’s finest had pulled in behind him  and was directing traffic.  I slipped in behind the cop car and hopped out.  My co-worker grabbed the gas can and I waited to make sure that he had enough to get his truck started.

It was after he got underway that my internal dialogue started getting funnier and funnier.  The cop had on this ridiculous traffic vest.  He headed back towards his car and removed his vest.  And then he walked back towards the middle of the street and put his arm out and stopped the oncoming traffic.  He looked back at me, pointed, and I shit you not, he winked and gave the “all clear” sign.  It was everything I could do to not get hysterical.  There was a little part of me that wanted to drive really slowly past him, checking the sides of his pants for velcro.

But sadly…. Village People inspired male strippers really only show up on a Tuesday morning at 9 am inside my head, almost never in the middle of the street.  And really even more rarely are hired by my co-workers to ambush me.  And it’s too damn bad. That was way funnier than what actually happened.

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